Making Disciples

The word 'disciple' is a loaded word; it carries a great deal of weight and meaning.

We have adopted the English word from its Latin counterpart, discipulus, meaning pupil. (dictionary.com)

In the New Testament, the word initially appeared in Greek (as did all other words in the New Testament). The word was mathetes, meaning a learner requiring effort to think something through. (Strong's Concordance)

In the Latin form of the word, it is easy to draw a similarity to English an word that we use fairly often. 

discipulus- discipline

So, what can we really draw from this complex word? A disciple is a learner, but not just that. It is a learner who thinks things through, and if we touch on our English similarities, we can take it one step further:

A disciple is a learner who thinks things through with discipline. 

Now that I have exhausted (and probably bored) you with the etymology, what really is the significance of a disciple?

Jesus gave his last command to his own disciples when he left the earth: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Mat. 28:19-20b)

But what does it actually mean to make disciples?

Coming from the United States where megachurches abound, it is easy to get fixed on numbers. How many people are in the congregation? How many new people did we bring in this Sunday? How many will come back next week? How many more can we attract next year?

We are bringing people in, but are we really making disciples? 

In Luke 10 during his Sermon on the Plan, Jesus sends out 72 disciples to the towns where he would soon arrive in order to prepare the way for him.  But, in daily life, Jesus had only 12 disciples. 

What a small number! Imagine a megachurch trimming their congregation to just 12 members. It wouldn't receive much publicity and probably wouldn't be considered a success. I do not presume to say that churches should have such small numbers, but I do believe there needs to be a shift from increasing numbers to making disciples.

Sometimes I get down on myself for the seemingly small number of people with whom I work on a daily basis. There are many that I visit and many with whom I interact, but those who are 'by my side' each day are few. By working with these few, my goal is to prepare them to then go and share with others, but they must be well-prepared first. If I were to have many, it would not be possible for me to prepare them well. And even so, I am not the one who is preparing them. God speaks through me to these young people so that they can know Him and His love. 

Imagine all of the people in your very close circle of friends. I don't mean how many friends you have on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I mean those who are on your speed dial who know each little detail about your life. There are not many, I would guess. Even more in this day in age, keeping up to date on each small occurrence in someone's life is not easy. Now, to have a large circle of close friends in the sense that Jesus was with the disciples would involve sending group updates on a Facebook page numerous times a day, working in the same place, eating most meals together, and then some.

We exhaust ourselves by spreading our friendships so thin to the point that they are almost non-existing. And that spreading-thin seeps into the church, as well. 

We are looking for numbers in the pews rather than disciples in our homes. A warm body does not a disciple make. 

Discipleship involves time, and so much of it. Jesus spent everyday teaching his disciples all he knew about the Father. What time are we giving to our own disciples? And if we are not giving them any, then what are we making? Who are we teaching? 

Jesus sends his own disciples out on the Great Commission in such a simple, straight-forward way. He basically says, "I want each of you to go and find a group of people. Baptize them. Teach these people all of the things I have taught you and teach them to listen to and actually do what I have said." But the catch is, if we are to make disciples, how can we do that without a relationship? If Jesus the Son of God required hours and hours of personal time with his own disciples each day, how can we think that simply talking to thousands of people one day a week will have the same effect? 

Something tells me it will not. 

To make disciples is to create learners who are hungry for the Word of God and who yearn to ponder on His majesty. It is to teach. It is to build daily relationships. It is to show through those relationships the friendship that Jesus extends to us. 

We are so excited in our new ministry to continue making disciples here in Ciudad Espana who will then share their hunger and knowledge with others. Our numbers are not nearly as important as our relationships, and we know that. But we are so eager to stoke the fires of those relationships so that they burn for the Lord.

It is a domino effect. It begins with you; it begins with me. 

So let's make disciples. 

Changed to Green

Typically, when I do my Bible study, I shut the door to my room, grab a big cup of coffee, and burrow into the Word while trying to ignore the incredible amount of outside noise. On rare occasions, I walk about a mile into the mountains to read and study. It's not a particularly fancy place where I go, just a big rock on the side of a beaten-down path. But it's quiet. And let me tell you, that quietude means so much. Today, I was able to go on that walk into the mountains for quiet study time.

Before leaving the house, I was searching on my hard drive for a good picture to use for our new ministry webpage. (Shameless insertion: www.onerevivalministry.com) Instead, I got sucked into looking at old pictures from my time in college. Occasionally, a picture popped up with friends and I after finishing a half-marathon or visiting a pumpkin patch. Most pictures were taken at a bar or during a 'pre-game' party at someone's apartment. As I browsed through the plethora of drinking pictures, my ever-present thought was, "Who is that person?", with the next most popular thought being, "I feel like that was not even my life."

Walking out to do my study on the book of James, I pondered more on that previous life. The pictures had actually made me ashamed of who I was and the priorities I had made during those years.

Two movies came to mind during my pondering: Avatar and Mulan.

Mulan popped into my head for its famous song 'Reflections.' In the movie, Mulan is struggling with not being the perfect wife/daughter and sings about her struggle while looking into a pool of water. She sings, "Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?...When will my reflection show who I am inside?"
Pictures are reflections of ourselves, but they are so easily able to reflect fictitiously. The pictures I found were a reflection of myself, but they certainly do not reflect who I am inside. They reflect a myriad of bad decisions and my (then) desire to fit into a mold to be a certain type of person. To this day, I'm not even sure what type of mold it was that I wanted to fit into, but it surely did not reflect who I am.

More vividly, Avatar came to mind. Jake Sully goes to Pandora, a far away moon, to help the natives there- Na'vi they are called. The movie is a progression of him becoming more and more like the native people. He spends less time in his human body and more time in his avatar body. The movie ends with Jake literally changing his soul- moving it from his human body to his avatar body. The last scene cuts out with him opening his eyes as a Na'vi, not a human or an avatar.

For years, I went through similar progressions. In one aspect, there was my progression to becoming a born-again Christian. On the other hand, my progression away from being 'a gringa.'

I know that for some people, there is a defining moment where one can specifically say, "I became a Christian exactly in THAT moment." I honestly do not feel that way for myself. For me, it is a slow process that is refined each and every day. During my 'lost years' I continued to read the Bible on and off and even attended church and a Bible study group now and then. Even while I was lost, God tapped at my heart to look for Him. When I decided to go on a mission trip in 2013, I was just beginning to 'get good with God' ... if that is even possible.

On that trip, I saw God work miracles in others and experienced them in myself as well. I guess you could say it was sometime during those two months that the Holy Spirit came to live in me. Then, fairly randomly, I woke up. My soul switched from an earthly body to a body filled with the Holy Spirit. Of course, my physical body is the same, but I could not be more different on the inside. Just like Jake Sully, my eyes were opened and I was born again as a new person.

Humans are transient creatures; we are always changing and moving, both internally and externally. Praise God that He has given us the capability to change and yet He is steadfast. We can come from a world of darkness and failure to a life of light and love as He changes us. We are so shifty. And I am thankful for that, otherwise we would all be in such dark, hopeless places still.

 "Every good and perfect thing comes from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."   -James 1:17

While my first progression was spiritual, the other is more physical/emotional. After being in Honduras for 2 years now, I can't help but notice how it has changed me. Similar to Neytiri teaching Jake Sully how to excel physically in his new body and teaching him the language of the Na'vi, I have also learned to walk and talk differently. Most noticeably, I speak a different language daily than I used to. I've had to learn how to dress and carry myself so that I can blend in better.

When I go to the states, my customs are now rarely those of a typical American. My words get tangled from so little English-speaking interactions. I can't remember to flush the toilet paper. I want to walk and be outside constantly, and I want to talk for hours with people- familiar or stranger.
But it doesn't work. Everything clashes. I have changed.

There is a story of a yellow man who goes to live in a land of blue people. After much time and mixed customs, the man becomes green. He no longer fits in with the yellow people, but he doesn't quite mix in with the blue people either.

I no longer belong in the US with the 'yellow' people, but I so clearly do not belong with the 'blue' people in Honduras. My dyed-red hair, sky blue eyes, and fair skin are proof enough of that.
I have changed. I am green.

So, where does that leave me with my new Mulan, Jake Sully, eyes-wide-open, green, avatar self?

I am left belonging to God and His kingdom. I have put on my new self (Ephesians 4:24) and am changed. My greenness is not proof of my lack of fitting into this world; it is proof that God has designed me and accepted me with all of my past and present faults to belong to His kingdom.

And what a great prize that is!

Looking at my reflection, I no longer see someone filling a void with empty friendships and alcohol.  I see the daughter of the Lord Almighty, Yahweh, Jehovah, Shedinah.


I may be green, but He has changed me for the better, and I am His.

Life Hack

I enjoy using Pinterest, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Mostly, I browse for new recipes and new booklists. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that less and less people read anymore. And, if they do, they don't talk about it much. There's too many other (exciting) things happening in life that literature is thrown aside. In a country where a normal, paperback, English book costs double what I want to pay, I am always hungry for more books. So, I go to Pinterest and prepare a list of books for my Christmas list, birthday list, and to be brought down by me or another traveler. Anyway, while perusing Pinterest recently, one thing repeatedly catches my attention: hacks.

Dieting hacks.
Cleaning hacks.
Organizing hacks.
Camping hacks.
Learning hacks.
Relationship hacks.
Family hacks.

If you need help or struggle with something, there exists a hack.

I list the dieting hack first, because it is always looming over all of Pinterest. For those who are unfamiliar, the site allows users to pick different interests (fitness, outdoors, reading, space, etc.) and only these subjects will be presented in a block-form of articles, recipes, pictures- whatever you have chosen. When I first joined, I listed fitness as an interest. Based on the articles that I am given (pins, they're called) it seems that fitness automatically means dieting. Unfortunately, it is not one dieting article that comes up amongst many articles about fitness motivation, exercises, or healthy tips. The opposite, actually.

"21 Ways to Lose 10 Pounds in a Week"
"10 Tricks to Eliminate Belly Fat"
"5 Diet Hacks to Lose Weight FAST"

I am all for being healthy, but there is something about the word 'hack' that just does not seem to fit when we are talking about the health of the human body. Hack means to cut, trim down, or reduce. Applied to all of these different hacks on Pinterest, and all over the internet, we'll say it means to cut corners, to reduce the effort needed. To hack something means you would love for something to be done, but just don't quite want to put in all of the work to do it. A hack to lose 10 pounds without taking a step out your front door. A hack to reorganize your house by relocating the junk instead of clearing it out. A hack to better your relationship without having to actually have a real, profound conversation.

It is the 21st century, and we are all busy. I know I am.

But, with all of these hacks, I cannot help but feel that we are missing the point.

We are cutting too many corners.

And for what? To spend more time staring at a smart phone as we peer into the lives of others and forget our own? To lose 10 pounds for one week and gain 20 the next? To seem as if we 'have it together' only to lie in bed at night feeling a giant, empty hole inside.

Maybe, just maybe, with all of these hacks, we are literally hacking away at our lives and they're true meaning. Wanting to get to the real meat of our lives, we are hacking away the parts of life that we feel are too burdensome or too much work because they seem unimportant. But those corners we're cutting, they're meat too.

That dieting hack you've found that allows you to lose so much weight in time for beach season without having to exercise or walk outside? Why? For what? Part of the beauty of exercising is actually being outside to smell the air and appreciate the change of scenery, the transient world. Sitting inside with seran wrap on your midsection may make you lose weight faster, but stepping outside not only makes you healthier, it makes you feel better.

Painting, organizing, cleaning hacks? What ever happened to painting a room and finishing with just as much paint on the people as on the walls? Is it annoying? Of course. But it is one fun memory.

One of my biggest pet peeves (and most people know it) is when I am out with friends and my company is glued to their phones. In my opinion, smart phones are one of the biggest hacks of our century. Don't get me wrong, they're extremely useful, but they are hacks. No need to ask for directions, there's an app for that. Don't bother getting a trainer, there's an app for that. The part that irks me is when the apps (code, I think, for hacks) seep into everyday life. You can e-mail from your phone, so you certainly must do it while we are eating dinner at a restaurant. With that hack, that cutting the corner of having to wait until you've gotten home, you have shut me out. You have said to me, without having to open your mouth, that the company of your phone is more appealing than my company. Now, I know I am not the most interesting person in the world. But, if you are agreeing to go to dinner with me, at least give me that hour to 'wow' you with small talk and some fun facts.

So that this blog does not turn into a large rant on my frustrations with society, I will begin to wrap it up.

What hacks do you have in your life?
What are they for?
Do they enrich your life, or do they take away from it?
If you, so to speak, hack the hack, what could you gain?

God's word strictly warns us against getting comfortable in our lives. We are told to accustom ourselves to being uncomfortable. More frequently stated, we are to take comfort in the uncomfortable, the trials. James 1:2 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds." 

The hacks that we have created for our lives are hacks to eliminate the trials. To cut the corners on our suffering for an easier, pain-free life. We pile on hacks and take on new commitments rather than revel in the ones we have already made.

The need to be busy is a need that exists primarily in developed countries. We think that if we are not busy, we MUST be failing in some way. In order to make ourselves even busier, we come up with hacks to free up time that we can fill with something else.

Stop searching for hacks and start recognizing the real meat of your life.

Get off your tush, get your hands dirty, give yourself a challenge, meet someone new, read a book, go for a walk/run, clean your house, spend quality time with your family.
These are not hacks. They are living.

The ultimate hack for life?
Live it.

Dreaming

We all have dreams. As children, we dream constantly about our futures and what we will become. We dream of becoming professional athletes, President of the United States, journalists, doctors, successful businessmen. We dream of travelling the world, learning every language, having families, opening a pet shelter. We dream of changing the world.

And then, as we grow, we are slowly taught to become more grounded, more realistic, and less focused on our dreams. Society tells us to 'take it down a notch' and guides us to a goal that is more easily achieved so that we do not fail. No one wants to be responsible for encouraging someone who may fail, so we are discouraged instead. And, very gradually, our dreams become less prevalent in our lives, and they become small.

Very gradually, we forget how to dream. 

Of course, we have all had at least one or two teachers that continue to impress on us that our dreams do have significance, and that we can do anything if we can dream it. High school walls are plastered with quotes like

   'The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' -Eleanor Roosevelt

   'Go confidently in the direction of your dreams; live the life you have always imagined.' -Henry David Thoreau

But to be honest, we are only encouraged by a select few people to really do what those quotes say. Many others, the voices we hear daily, tell us that our dreams are not possible. "Wow," they say. "That sounds like a great idea, but how do you think you'll do that?" or "That sounds like it will be very hard. I wish you the best of luck!"

Yes, it will be hard. A dream is not worth it if it isn't hard. And I am not asking for it to be easy. I am not asking for a pat on the back and an applause for thinking big.

We have a magnet on our door here in Honduras that says, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" I bought it while I was still in college and have had it on my refrigerator or front door ever since. At the time I purchased it, I was working towards my undergraduate degree in astrophysics. While many people were excited for me and for the opportunities that would present themselves to me after college, there were more than enough people to tell me it would not happen.

When I switched into astrophysics from an English/Spanish concentration, my new advisor was, well, less than encouraging. "You have great grades in all of your classes," he said. "But astrophysics is just not the same. It will be hard, and I'm not sure you will be good for it." In essence, he was trying to tell me that I could not do it. He did not have faith in my abilities, and I should not either. Luckily I am stubborn and driven, otherwise I may have taken his advice and thought twice about that transfer. I graduated in 2013 out of one of the best astronomy/physics programs in the nation.

Later, I decided to move to Honduras, and I was told very similar things about coming here. It will be hard. How will you do that? All of the normal, passively-negative comments. I have been here almost two years now and will be here indefinitely.

Now, we are planning to open this coffee shop/community center. And, of course, I have heard my fair share of negative comments or people who think it's a good idea, but do not have enough faith in me to follow through and to finish this project.

Luckily, they need not have faith in me. Because, with all that I have accomplished in my life (not very much, but a bit), this is something that I admittedly could not do. Not alone, anyway. The dream that I have for this coffee shop is so much bigger than me. It is bigger than you. It is so big, in fact, that it scared me in the beginning. Not because it was a bad idea; rather, because it was such a good idea, and so big, that I wasn't sure how to even start it.

So, how am I doing it?

With faith. Not faith in me, but faith in God the Father. God makes so many promises to us in His word, the Bible. He encourages us to dream and to make goals. Even more than that, He encourages us to dream SO BIG that the only way we can accomplish those dreams is with Him.

  'Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we could ever ask or think, according to the power at work within us...'
                    -Ephesians 3:20 (emphasis added)

I have dreams, and they are big. Particularly, I have A DREAM, and it is HUGE. I know it will happen because God works and He is alive today. He works in the hearts of those who are considering whether or not to donate. He works for our favor as we approach the community leaders for land. He works by putting resources in front of me. He works by lowering costs and opening doors.

God tells us that if we desire Him with all of our hearts, He will do for us far more than we could ever imagine. Sometimes, He works for us in ways we do not even recognize. We want one thing, but He gives us another. Does that mean He is not working for us? Absolutely not. He works for us in unfathomable ways, but only if we allow Him to.

I will end this by asking you what your dream is. Is it big? Does it scare you?

Do not give up on your dreams, and especially do not give up on the power that God has to make your dreams become a reality.

Do not allow the mediocrity of everyday life seep into your heart and destroy the dream you have for your life. Do not become so complacent and faithless that you forget what it even is to dream anymore. And most important, do not forget who the ultimate Dream Maker and Dream Fulfiller is. 

   'Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.'

                     -Psalm 37:4

If you would like to help make my dream a reality by making a financial donation to the coffee shop, you can do so HERE.

Want more information about the coffee shop? Post a comment with your e-mail address and I will contact you! 

Take care.

Be blessed.

Dream big.

Long Time No Talk

Almost a year has passed since I've written a blog post.
It is not because I have lacked potential insight into scripture, the life of a missionary, or thoughts on everyday life. On the contrary; it seems like the more I fail to communicate, the more I want to shout out from the rooftops what God is doing in my life and what He is showing me.
It is also not because I am not doing anything. Again, on the contrary, I have been incredibly busy this past year.

So, why the long wait?

Well, it turns out, writing frequently is not actually easy. I manage to send out an electronic newsletter each month, and sometimes I even cut it close with that. Daily life here in Honduras is just not the same as daily life in the US. Why, you ask?

First of all, everything is made more difficult here than it needs to be. Going to the store is not a simple 10 minute drive to Wal Mart or Aldi. It is a 1 1/2 hour bus ride to the market, another 10-15 bus ride to the actual supermarket, and then the entire trip home. Registering one of my kids for school is not quick and easy. It requires almost 3 weeks of going to the city at least three days a week in order to recuperate papers from all previous schools, some of which now fall in 'hot' (dangerous) neighborhoods.

Second of all, the culture is vastly different. To 'drop-in' and visit someone in the states is just that, a drop-in. In Honduras, that 15 minute visit quickly becomes 2-3 hours. And then your visitor will, more often than not, stay for dinner as well as after-dinner coffee.

These two factors alone do not leave much free time, but they lead me to my second point above- I have been incredibly busy!

This past year, God has blessed me with an incredible amount of opportunities to serve. Some of them I have jumped at, and others I have respectfully declined simply because I could not stretch myself any further.

The coffee shop idea that God gave me last year has continued to grow and mature during this last year, and we have finally arrived at the point where we are officially fundraising! Very soon we will be incorporated in the US, which will allow us to apply for 501(c)(3) status and then mirror that same process here in Honduras. Our goal and vision have remained, and always will remain, the same: to serve the lost and broken youth that plague the streets of this city by showing them the love of their Heavenly Father.

Backtracking a bit, around June of last year, my house gained a few more inhabitants. Three of the young men that I have worked with for years moved in with me. They each came at different times, and aren't always even here together, but boy do they require a lot of energy. Through the grace of God and the patience that He has given me, these boys have survived their first year of responsible living. Each has a job or is actively searching for one, one will finish school this year, and they all participate in daily chores and tasks that are required for them to remain here. They are the best way I could have thought to occupy my spare bedroom, even with their occasional shenanigans!

Additionally, last year I began teaching English to gang members at a prison in the city. For privacy (and safety) purposes, I cannot share which jail, which gang, or any other information that may compromise this project. What I can say is that God is working in these young men and I have faith that He will continue to tug at their hearts until they decide to commit their lives to Him, at which point, He will welcome them home with open arms. During the last months of 2015, I was going to the jail three days each week for 4-5 hours each day.

In January of this year, I began working with another missionary family in Tegucigalpa as a tutor for their own live-in Honduran boys. I work with them in math and physics, and then spend time with Tia Sharon, their adoptive mom (or aunt).

In the midst of all of these things, I have my own daily ministry here in Ciudad Espana, which includes working with various families, street kids, and churches.

So, why am I returning to blogging?

This year will be difficult and will certainly be a test in my faith as we fundraise for, build, and open the coffee shop.
During that time, I would love to continue sharing with you all how each step is laid out and how the Lord shows Himself to me through the entire process.

This post, more than anything, is to play catch-up for those who did not follow my ministry in 2015 so that you all can jump in without too many unknown variables during 2016.

With that said, I pray that you will continue to check in as ministry grows and moves forward this year. We will eventually be reformatting the way we do social media as we create our own webpage and share our updates with you there.

For now, continue to check in every once in a while on this blog as I attempt to rejoin the world of blogging!


If you are interested in donating to my ministry, it can be done on the righthand side of this page. If you'd like to donate directly towards coffee shop start-up, that can be done here:
https://www.gofundme.com/wwz73wrw


Thank you all, and God bless!

Christianity in a Box

This past week I had the opportunity to visit Gracie again at Heart of Christ Ministries here in Honduras. For me, it was a couple of days to have Christian (English-speaking) community and to have hours of uninterrupted quiet time with God. Since being there a year ago, God has provided in huge ways and her ministry has taken off- more than doubling in members and property size! She currently has a month 9 World Race team there with 7 beautiful women, and I was blessed to spend time with them. Gracie has designated shopping days for her to run errands and shop in Tegucigalpa, so I tagged along with two of the racers.

On our way back, I sat in the truck bed with one of the young women and had a great discussion on Christianity. It basically boiled down to this: you cannot put Christians in a box.

I don't mean you can't shove a bunch of Christians in a cardboard box. I'm sure it would be possible in some strange way. What I mean is, there is not a required profile to be a Christian and to live a Christian life. To be a Christian is to live for the Lord, to answer His call, to honor and obey Him, and to love Him with heart, soul, and mind. Aside from that, God doesn't give a 'Christian profile.'

It is almost the opposite, really. God calls us to be different, to be unique, to answer the specific call that He gives each of us, and to respond to it according to our experiences, character, and individuality. If He wanted us to be the same, He would have made us just that- cookie cutter versions of each other.

There are different types of Christians because our pasts shape who we are; everyone has a different testimony. Likewise, there are different types of missionaries because there are different areas of ministry. To think that all ministry is the same and that each person does the same sort of work is false. There are missionaries here who focus solely on support for other missionaries. Without them, we would all be a mess! Others work primarily in schools or partner with existing local churches. Others build churches. Some do informal ministry with house visits, family support, and education support. Some have children homes. Some work in the streets.

We cannot all be put in the same box, the same category.

Because each person answer a different calling and has a different ministry, we cannot all be the same. I will not look, act, or think the same as every other Christian.

In order to accomplish what God has called me here to do, I have to step out of the box of Christianity. Outside of the stereotype and the cookie-cutter perception. I have to level myself with the Honduran people, especially the young adults, in order to reach them. I have tattoos, piercings, and black hair. They can relate to me. But they can also learn from me and from what the Lord has given me. Likewise, they will learn about the Lord. This does not make me a 'bad Christian' because I do not look like someone else. It only makes me different.

What has God called you to do?
Have you stepped outside of the box?

I am sure this post will step on some toes, but maybe that is a good thing. It is beneficial to be self-aware and to recognize how you can better reach those to whom you are ministering.

Here in Ciudad Espana I am continuing to work with the young people and different families. The past month there have been numerous extra visitors almost each night for dinner. It is so wonderful to have them here! To see and feel the response of the community, and especially the jovenes, is encouraging. I love spending time with them and showing them more of who the Lord is. They each have started to take turns praying before dinner and are learning more each day about what it means to be a Christian. Not only that, but they are able to eat a good, healthy meal that they probably would not have gotten otherwise. Many of them come from poor, struggling families who are unable to buy food each day. Pray for each of them that they will accept the Lord into their hearts and that He will continue to bless them!

Because of this increase in dinner guests, I am using a bit over my budget for food. I am looking for one or two supporters that will help this aspect of my ministry so that I can continue to have dinners with these wonderful people and they can learn more about Christ! Please consider helping! I am estimating that it would be two monthly supporters at about $25 each.

God called me to be different, to live outside of the box, and to go into the unknown. He continues to put people in my path and to give me the resources to help them. I am so thankful I am an out-of-the-box Christian!

God bless all of you!

To help with my ministry in Honduras, donations are possible online and through mail at:
www.worldoutreach.org/donations (click Jennifer Olsen from the drop down box)
and
World Outreach Ministries (Jennifer Olsen #263)
P.O. Box B
Marietta GA 30061

Lose Yourself to Find Yourself

In the past week, we went from 98 degrees with a blazing sun to 70 degrees with pouring rain. It has been more than a blessing, but also a struggle. Living in a secure home with a hole-free roof and windows that close, I am able to sit in my house- dry- while the rain passes and nourishes the earth. With the heat from the past weeks, the grounds are dry, the rivers are non-existent, and the crops have little water to grow. We need water. On the flip side, there are countless people that do not live in a secure home like my own. They live in homes made from cardboard boxes and scrap wood that they can salvage from the garbage. They live on mountainsides that throw water and mud from the downpours or in valleys that collect all of that same water and mud. The rain is good, but it is damaging. A blessing, and a travesty. Our prayer: Send the rain, God, but be please be gentle.

There is, however, something about rain that brings me peace. It transports me back to my old apartments on rainy days where I could sit for hours with a good book and a pot of coffee. Yes, a pot. (A cup just never seems to be enough). With little explanation, it connects me to my 'old life' and launches me into self-reflection. How far I have come, how much has changed, how I have changed. And those looming, eternity-long questions, who am I and why am I here?

Then I realize, somewhere along the way, I lost myself. Not like the early 2000's Eminem song, but like someone who has changed. I am no longer the same as my 17-year-old self; the one that people have imprinted in their minds as 'me.' My dreams have changed, my goals have changed, my priorities have changed, and I have lost that old self.

Without a doubt, living in another country changes a person. Or, it should. A culture with different traditions, rules, history. A language that doesn't always seem to make sense. It is challenging, rewarding, and life altering. Even more so now that I am the only gringa in the town that I live in, I have lost. Lost selfish qualities that I used to have. Lost previous goals and dreams. Lost fear and embarrassment (not that there was much less of either for me to lose). Lost self-dependency. Lost unwillingness.

But, I have gained.

Losing myself has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Because I have not lost myself involuntarily or begrudgingly. I have lost myself to this culture, but more importantly, I have lost myself to God. And by losing myself to Him, I have gained. I have lost my goals and they have been replaced with His goals, His plans. And boy are His goals better than my own. There is no impossible or improbable. There is only hope.

Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it."
              Luke 9:23-24

I came to Ciudad Espana almost temporarily. Then God gave me a house, community, and new goals. After seeing the need for various services in the community, God has called me once again to step in. In a culmination of what seems like all of my life skills and past ministry experience, I am responding. I will be opening a coffee shop that will sell fair-trade coffee and basic pastries. More importantly, it will be used to teach English classes, tutor, give artisan workshops to women, have small groups for young people, and just generally provide a safe place for the community.

This is not something I would have previously done or even considered. It was not my goal when I came to Honduras, and certainly is not what graduated from college to do. But things change, people change. I lost myself to find myself. I found myself in the plans of God and His plans for this community. I found myself in His love for me and His love for this community. He has provided the plans, the place, and the people. Likewise, I know He will provide the proper finances and resources.

Goals change and plans change, we lose and we win, but God's ultimate plan does not change, and with Him, we always win. We are always found in Him.
The rain comes, and it makes all things nourished and new.




Please join in prayer with me for this new chapter that is anything but temporary.
If you feel called to help, funds will be required for the start-up and initial preparation. Donations are accepted both online and through mail. Details can be found on the right hand margin of the page.

Making a House a Home & Resting in His Glory

That I may come to you with joy by the will of God and may be refreshed together with you.
           Romans 15:32


The past couple of months have been hectic, to say the least.  Bouncing around between homes of close friends, transporting a 60 lb dog and my belongings across the city, searching for somewhere to call my home. Creating new budgets; planning for the future, or at least, trying to plan; and prayer for provision... so much prayer. Not only provision financially (I am still looking for support!), but also spiritually, mentally, provision for community, for fellowship, for rest.

After living with a close family that is dear to my heart for about a month, so many prayers were answered. I had inquired about houses in several areas close by and had zero luck. No one knew the owner (or didn't want to tell me), the phone number was missing or incorrect, a family member may be coming back so it's possible the house is available, but also possible it is not, etc. Finally, just when I had stopped looking, a house fell right into my lap. It is right in front of the house I was staying in before, so I have support and family just a few steps away. The house is large- much larger than I could ever need- but it was offered at just under what I had budgeted. 3 bedrooms, a terrace, a garage, living room, dining room, kitchen... it is so much more than what I had hoped and prayed for. With a fresh coat of paint, a bit of furniture, and basic appliances, it would truly become a dream house for me.

The new place

Living room and part of the kitchen

The kitchen

Although the house is beautiful and I am so thankful for God's provision in giving it to me, I am even more grateful for the blessings that He has given me through the house. I am living alone in this giant place, but I am hardly ever the only one here. Whether it's abuela (grandma) stopping by for afternoon coffee, friends gathering to share a meal together, other friends stopping by for the leftovers, students dropping in for homework help, or the neighbors coming to help clean, organize, and make the house a home- there are always visitors. The community that God has given me here is outstanding- and a great platform for ministry.  I will continue to do ministry in Los Profesores and La Kennedy, but right now, I am praying and waiting for God to open up doors here as well.  He has given me a home, and I know he will show me just how to use it for His glory.

Dining room area

Terrace

More than the house, more than the community, God has given me the opportunity to rest. Not only rest physically and have time to reboot to continue ministry, but also time to rest spiritually, in His name, and soak up time with Him. I didn't realize how tired I was, how much I was doing and, in turn, draining myself, until I finally had a quiet place to be refilled, refreshed, and rejuvenated. Sometimes we don't know how empty we have become until we begin to be made whole again.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
         Matthew 11:28

The plans that I have for this house are seemingly never-ending. Plans for a place of rest, of community, of worship, of fellowship. Plans for tutoring sessions, English lessons, game nights, movie nights, family dinners. Plans for gardens, a prayer room, furniture, appliances. But I know now that, in comparison, my plans are nothing in front of our great Lord. He is able to do exceedingly more than we could ask or imagine. (Eph. 3:20)


As you can see, the house is pretty bare and in need of a little bit of love (and furniture). If you would like to help me make my house a home, there are so many items that are still missing. A small fridge; basic furniture such as tables, chairs, and a small couch; an oven; paint. I am looking to get used appliances and furniture so that the cost is not so outrageous, but it will still be more than what I have on my own. If you would like to help renovate and fill the house, you can donate at:

www.worldoutreach.org/donations
Just click my name, Jennifer Olsen, from the drop down box

A Fallen World

Today has been a hard day.


The weight of this country and of its people is heavy on me, causing me to seriously question the impact I can make as only one person. To see the fallen world through foggy, gray glasses is much different than rosy, red glasses.

I posted a few months ago about a guest speaker we had at our church. He talked about his life in the gangs and how important it is for Christians to enter into the fires in order to pull out those who are lost, hurt, and seeking an unknown solution. If you haven't read it yet, check it out- Into the Fire, Without Fear.

Recently, the activities of the gangs and their presence has become even heavier on my heart.

While working with the same youth for many months, their lives as I know them have begun to unfold and develop into complex and painful stories. One particular young man stays strongly on my heart.

After being abandoned by the majority of his family and those who were close to him, he went to the gangs. Initially it was only to find drugs and a sense of community, but it quickly evolved into something bigger than he could have imagined. He was mixed up in MS-13, one of the most dangerous gangs in the United States and Central America. Forced to commit unspeakable crimes in order to progress through initiation, he gave up his innocence and traded it for violence. In a miracle that I still do not fully understand, he escaped membership in the gang and just narrowly missed a lifetime of violence, but so much damage has already been done. As I spend more time with him through scattered visits, he opens up more and more about his time in the gang and the things that he has done. Sometimes, he breaks down to tears in remorse, guilt, and shame. The weight of his pain is so evident in his face, in his words, and in his tears.

Through his stories, I have learned more about the gangs and what they do to a person. While claiming to give community, they strip one of one's self, of one's soul.

The pain from these gangs is heavy on any person they encounter. It is unavoidable. Which starts me thinking,
How is there even room for so much pain in the world?
How is there room for so much abandonment?
For so much hate?
For so many tears?

I question the impact I have on this individual's life in comparison to the oppressive past he has faced and will carry with him for the rest of his life. What can I do in response to that?

Turning to my Bible, God is always one step ahead of me.
His words speak so much clearer than those of the gang.

I will not cause pain or suffering without allowing something new to be born.
                  Isaiah 66:9

The suffering and pain of these gang members, both past and present, is evident. But God is so much more obvious. He is new life, revival, redemption. He is love.
He carries the pain that we cannot bear.
He sent his Son to carry the cross so that we need not carry our past of sin.
He gives us a new life, a new future.

Today is heavy and hard.
The world is fallen and broken.
But tomorrow is possible and conquerable because of Him.

Los Profesores

During the past 6 months, I've been focusing the majority of my ministry and energies towards working in the streets with young people and women. The area that I started in, La Kennedy, has a massive need and I will by no means end my time there, but I will be expanding ministry to other parts of Tegucigalpa! This past week, I was able to spread my ministry to a different area of the city, Los Profesores.

While I am glad that Karla and Ana Rosa have moved out of La Kennedy, Los Profesores is no less dangerous or less poverty-stricken than La Kennedy. To be completely truthful, the guys that go with me to do ministry were even hesitant to go there. But, many months ago, I had promised Karla that if she were to move, I would continue to work with her in her home and with her children. I was not ready just yet to break that promise.

We were able to go down to La Kennedy first and visit with our friends down there. Because it was a Wednesday, there were only three or four people there. Luckily, most of them are working to recycle bottles during the week, so there are rarely more than 5-10 people. Now that Oscar is getting registered for classes, I am no longer working with him in one-on-one tutoring sessions, so we are pretty free to just chat with everyone. It is so nice to catch up and learn more about everyone's lives! I have started to be on the lookout for new prospective students as well, so getting a bit of 'free time' is a blessing.

After visiting La Kennedy, we met with Karla so that she could take us up to her house. The new area, Los Profesores, is located on the other side of town, across from the centro and the mercado, so it is quite a bit trickier to find, especially if you do not know the area. A couple bus rides later, we finally made it to her new house. She and her two children are living with the family of Ana Rosa in a one-room house. We were so blessed to share a meal that they prepared for us and to plan a bit for the future.

Within the next month, the women are going to begin to sell soup! Here in Honduras, street vendors are more common than sit-down restaurants, and much more affordable. Ana Rosa had told me that she had previously sold sopa de mondongo, tripe soup, but was forced to stop because she could not afford (via time and money) to do it on her own. After a bit of discussion, the ladies agreed that they would like to do that in order to start taking a hold of their future and support their children. I will have more news on this when we start purchasing the materials and enter the next stage for their business.

I was also able to spend a little time with 13-year-old Elida, who will start 4th grade this next week. While she is not super excited to go back to school, she is promising to start and finish out the year strong. I had been concerned earlier because there was a large gap in funds for her supplies, but I am so happy to say that someone has stepped forward and decided to sponsor her for the jump-start of the year. Praise God!

Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures from this past week because we were very hesitant to bring cameras into Los Profesores. Now that I know (sort of) the area, we will be able to  bring a phone or a camera to take pictures next time.

I am so excited for this new branch of street ministry and so blessed for God's provision to make it happen. Within the next couple of weeks we will be planning purchasing the utensils, pots, etc. for the women to start their small business, Elida and Oscar will begin school, I will start a new devotional with the women, and we will continue to build new relationships and foster old ones in both La Kennedy and Los Profesores.

God is so good and faithful to this new, growing ministry!

If you would like to help jump-start Karla and Ana Rosa's soup business, let me know! They will need pots and utensils to start and the ingredients as they sell the soup.


As always, donations are tax-deductible and can be made through World Outreach Ministries at
www.worldoutreach.org/dontaions
simply click my name from the drop-down box
or
World Outreach Ministries (Jennifer Olsen)
P.O. Box B
Marietta, GA 30061

New Year, New Ministry

Changes seem to come naturally with the coming of a new year, and this year will be the start of many changes and transitions for me here in Honduras. Some changes will be easy, and some will be difficult, but I am confident that they are all the will of the Lord and the plans that He has.

Because I have neglected to write blogs for quite some time, I will start from the beginning of the transitions that have transpired in these last months.

As you, or most of you, know, I was living and working alongside Zions Gate Ministries just outside of Tegucigalpa for the first 8 months of my time in Honduras. In November, the head of the ministry left Honduras to go on sabbatical in the states. While I recognized how beneficial this could be for the ministry in terms of growth and progress, I was beginning to feel that my ministry goals and visions no longer aligned with those of Zions Gate. I no longer felt at peace with the way my time was being spent knowing the Lord's calling for me to do street ministry. With the ministry head leaving, it was time to take on a great deal more responsibility and commit fully to the ministry and its future. Although the need was clear, I could not commit to something that I did not see in God's plan.

After vising the states at the beginning of December, I began to think more strongly and seriously about what leaving Zions Gate would mean for me and my ministry. With tremendous support from the Honduran Fellowship, I have decided to break off and start my own formal ministry working in the streets.

Some of the women of La Kennedy

While there are many changes in where I am living and the ministry in which I am under, my work will not be changing. My focus will continue to be in the streets working with women and young people. More than anything, I have seen that education brings hope and a future to those who have nothing else, and I will continue to move forward in the capacity that I am able in order to bring education, whether it is formal classroom teaching or informal vocational training.

Oscar enjoying birthday cake and Coca Cola at his birthday party

After working with 17-year-old Oscar in La Kennedy for several months, he is finally ready to begin school again. Because he will start again in 3rd grade, I had been tutoring him in math and reading comprehension as preparation. At the beginning of February he will start a dual program that will allow him to finish 3rd and 4th grade in the same year so that he can 'fast-track' the earlier years that he has missed. He is excited for this huge opportunity and is looking forward to advancing in school.  If you would be interested in supporting Oscar in this upcoming year, please let me know! With your help, you could bring him a new future.


My hope is that Oscar will be the first of many who will be able to restart their education and eventually finish school. Because of the gang influence and heavy use of drugs such as marijuana and paint thinner, many young people have only finished school up to 2nd or 3rd grade. With the right resources, personnel, and finances, it would be possible to oppose that norm and bring hope for a future to members of the new generation.

Aside from tutoring Oscar, I had also been doing a small Bible study of the gospel of John with the women of La Kennedy. Through the study, I was able to both disciple the women and build relationships with them. After much talk about their desires and hopes for their future, I had though strongly about how I could help them with vocational training rather than simply bringing food or resources, and God answered my prayers faithfully! Rayna Cohen, founder of Four Letter Word, visited Honduras in November and has committed to a partnership in order to work with these women. Together, we are researching possibilities and resources to train them so that they will eventually be able to become self-sufficient.

Within the past month, several of the women have moved out of La Kennedy and into a new colony, Los Profesores. I will continue to do ministry and serve in La Kennedy, but I will also be expanding my ministry to this new colony in order to continue to work with Karla and Ana Rosa. I am so excited about the new opportunity to do ministry in a different place and for the work of the Lord to be spread to a new area. Pray for this new branch of ministry, both for protection and provision.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "pans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
                      Jeremiah 29:11


Currently, I am residing in Ciudad Espana with the family of Luis, a young man I met at Zions Gate, until I can find a suitable house for myself. It is crowded and loud with 8 of us in a one-bedroom house, but it is wonderful to have a family and community. Initially I did not look at living here as a ministry in itself, but it most certainly is. Here I am able to spend time with each member of the family and have even spent time in the word with their abuelita (grandma). Outside of the house, there is a great need for help and service in the city. There are countless young people that are starting to experiment with drugs and the gang presence is not lost. Pray that the Lord will show me His plans in this new place so that His will may be done!

With many transitions and changes come many challenges. I am confident that the Lord is working and that His work will be seen.
Stay tuned for more updates on this new ministry and how it grows!


It is never too late to partner with me for the new year! Donations are always tax deductible and help support ministry in La Kennedy, Los Profesores, Ciudad Espana, education, family ministry, and my life here in Honduras.

To donate, visit
www.worldoutreach.org/donations and click my name from the drop-down box
or mail checks to
World Outreach Ministries (Jennifer Olsen)
P.O. Box B
Marietta GA 30061

Into the Fire, Without Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
       2 Timothy 1:7

I have heard this verse countless times in my life and probably missed its true magnitude just as many times. 

When I started street ministry with my group last summer, I was surprised by the fearful reactions of my teammates many times after encountering tough situations. At the time, I attributed it to my own will power and ability, but now I realize that it was the Lord working through me so that I would continue His work. Going out in fear is not an option if He is for me, and He always is. 

A few things have happened recently that have sparked this thought train of fear, or lack there of. 

First, someone was killed in La Kennedy on a Saturday just hours after we had left. It is someone that I knew and with whom I had talked, eaten, and conversed on numerous occasions, both this year and last summer. I was told that the mareros, or gang members, came into the community and killed him point-blank because he had a tattoo of his name, which conflicted with their inter-gang tattoos. There were no questions asked, no chance for redemption, just murder. Senseless murder on the very ground which I walk twice a week. 

A few months ago, I was told by numerous people that La Kennedy is too dangerous, and I would be better off to just not do ministry there anymore. After several days of prayer, I knew that was not the answer. Tighter security and less nonchalance, yes. But to stop going all together was not an option for me, or more importantly, for God.  Even with high crime rates and a greater risk, it is still important, necessary even, to serve in La Kennedy. 

Similarly, there was a guest speaker during our normal church service last Sunday. For privacy, I will not disclose his name, but he grew up in the streets of Tegucigalpa running with drugs and the infamous MS gang, Mara Salvatrucha. His testimony is powerful and convicting. By heading his own drug business by the age of 13 and stepping into a leadership position in the gang by 16, he was "walking with the devil" on a daily basis. After years of this lifestyle, he was approached by a Christian missionary and introduced to the love of Christ to counteract the love of the gang. 

His conviction to our congregation was this: Where were the Christians when I was 9 years old and starting to use cocaine? Where were the Christians when I was 13 and selling drugs? Where were the Christians when I was 15 and committing unspeakable crimes? 

Certainly it is not an order to walk blindfolded into the den of a gang, but it is a message about those who are consistently left behind because the danger is seemingly too large and is not worth it. I did a blog months ago titled 'It's not too Late' in respect to Alex and the other boys that we are helping. It is not too late for them to change, nor is it too late for others to change. However, in order to give them the opportunity, they have to first be reached- physically, spiritually, emotionally. 

This man, this ex-gang leader, spoke strongly and said, "Do not forget those that are still in hell, those that still walk with the devil." 
We must be willing to die for those who are still walking with the devil, and we must trust that the Lord will bring us out of the flames. 

It is astounding the amount of encounters I've had with gang members, both present and past, in my time here in Honduras. A gang is no longer a surreal, far away concept that I can think about and not have any strong feelings towards. It is a very real, very dangerous situation, something to be approached with caution and great care, but something to approach nonetheless. 

I was born in the clouds. Some were born in the fire. That does not make me better, more important, or more valuable. It only makes me better equipped to walk boldly in the fire, with power, love, and a sound mind, and to give my hand to others who are drowning in that fire.

I continue to go to La Kennedy twice a week to work with Karla, Oscar, Francisco, Elida, Pamela, Carolina, Elias, and all of the other members of their community. My hope is to continue this ministry during my time in Honduras, but I am in need of more support to fulfill that commitment. If you would like to help me financially as I serve in the fire, please give with each of these people in mind.  I am looking for support of $75 monthly (from one or numerous donors) in order to bring sporadic meals to the community and for teaching & devotional materials for Oscar and the women of the community. 
Thank you for your support in both prayer and finances! 

The fastest way to donate is to go to www.worldoutreach.com/donations and find my name in the drop-down box. 
If you would like to donate via snail mail, the address can be found on the right hand margin of the webpage.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God.
         2 Timothy 1:8

Doubt and Faith

Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?

      Matthew 14:31b

Doubting in itself is not an evil thing. On the contrary, doubting leads to questions that must be answered in order to strengthen our faith. Without any sort of doubt being present, faith is impossible- at least for me. My mind is too logical and moves too rapidly for me to not doubt the world that I live in as well as my role in it. I frequently doubt choices that I have made in the past, the choice I have made to be here in Honduras, and, sometimes, even the core of my faith. However, my rational, doubting mind does not mean that I cannot also have faith- and a strong faith, even. 

Recently I have found myself doubting my aspects of my life here and questioning whether or not I am properly fulfilling the call that I have answered to be in Honduras. Then the reality check hits me- I am not doing anything. What is being done is being done through me, but it is being done by the Spirit. I can doubt my role in this world ten times over, but I cannot convince myself that the work that is being done has zero purpose or a purpose that can change the world. Only God can decide that, and He already has. 

I struggle with going to La Kennedy sometimes and the environment that is continuously saturated with drugs and alcohol. Due to recent incidences, Alex can no longer go to La Kennedy with me for this very reason. It is easy to doubt my role in the community and whether or not I am 'making a difference' when I can smell pot and alcohol while I tutor Oscar. My presence is beneficial to him, but it is not going to change the circumstances or the decisions of the community; only the presence of the Lord can do that. As a missionary and a Christian in general, my one job is to spread the Gospel, and that is what I am doing. I can doubt my role each day and become frustrated with the lack of realized expectations, but I must remember that my calling is to plant a seed, not to sow the whole garden. Working with Oscar and doing regular devotionals with Karla are the tasks that the Lord has given me in La Kennedy; He has not called me to start a drug program. 

The disciples doubted left and right during their time with Jesus and showed little potential for improvement at times, but Jesus knew better than them. Doubting their position/roles as disciples as well as His own identity helped them to learn more about Him and His character as the Son of God. 

In comparison, it is completely natural to doubt my position as a spiritual leader and to question that which I am capable of doing...to an extent. At which point, I have to turn to scripture and prayer to gain a better foundation of the Spirit working through me. When I begin to doubt, I need to look at the work that has already been done by the Spirit through me, and I need to focus my attention on the future and trust that the Lord will guide me. By focusing on my faith and throwing out the doubt that has sometimes settled in my heart, anything is possible. All things can be accomplished through his power.

And when He had come to the house, His disciples asked him privately, "Why could we not cast it out?" So He said to them, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."

          Mark 9:28-29

And if any of you lacks wisdom, let him go to God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. but let him ask in faith, with no doubting. For he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

           James 1:5-6

Karla and her water filter

Reading the Bible with Alex (and Lobo)

Bringing a water filter to Alex's family

Devotional with Karla and little sister Elida

Physics and God

The past couple of months my role here in the ministry has snowballed from tiny into quite large. Part of that involves tutoring many of the kids here on the property, as well as 17-year-old Oscar in La Kennedy. Oddly enough, teaching is the last thing I wanted to do with my life; I even switched my focus of study in school to avoid it. Luckily, God is infinitely better equipped than I am to teach his children, and he has continued to give me the necessary tools to teach as well, primarily patience abounding.

When I switched my studies from English/Spanish to Astrophysics, the majority of my family and friends thought I was crazy. I was told that it was going to be too challenging, that I wouldn't be able to find a career in it, and just what exactly did I think I was going to do with that degree?
God was so far ahead of me, and them, that he had it all covered.
I would be a tutor. And not just in any ol' subjects. A tutor in physics, math, and astronomy.
How could God have prepared me any better than that?

Although I am giving a bit of my time to all of the kids, my main tutoring focus right now is Luis. Luis is 17-years-old and in 10th grade, which means he has started math and physics. I was asked to begin tutoring him about a month and a half ago in order to help with his exam scores, and I was astounded at the amount of information he did not know (graphing a point, slope, distances...the list goes on). About a week ago, Luis came home from school with a big smile on his face telling me that he had passed his physics exam. From a 9% to passing with just one exam! Now, Luis comes to the house each day to catch up on material he had missed before and to do the homework for the night. Each day he is increasingly more excited to learn and is proud of his accomplishments. He frequently says to me, "Jen, did you see? I did it!" and just last night said that he wanted to cry because he was so happy that he was understanding.
But it hasn't always been easy. It was hard at first, because he did not grasp the basics and therefore could not progress any further to learn new information. Sometimes it was, and still is, frustrating.

As with everything, there is a connection here to God.

Without the knowing the basics of God, it is impossible to understand more difficult concepts and questions. If I did not know God's character, that He is just and patient and steadfast and compassionate, how could I understand that He will not abandon me even when I fail and that He has plans for my life? I couldn't.
Just as Luis couldn't understand projectile motion until he grasped the concepts of 'x' and 'y' components.

Similarly, it is never too late to learn the basics. God has given us all of the information about His character through His word, the Bible. Like a cheat-sheet of physics formulas, we can always go back to the Bible to refresh, review, and relearn the basics of His glory. Although I falter each day in certain ways, I can continue to go to the Lord to be filled and taught, and He will continue to teach me.


Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
         Psalm 25:4-5

Just Another List

Almost every time I am online I see another list: 15 Must-See Places Before You Die; 5 Things No One Told You About Life After College; 10 Most Loyal Dog Breeds; 7 Quick and Healthy Recipes- the list of lists goes on and on. I've also become quite fond of lists since becoming a dog owner, full-time missionary, and pseudo-mom to a handful of kids. Grocery list. School supplies list. Outreach supplies list. To-do list. Visitors list. List of books to read. List of Bible verses. You get the hang of it- there are a lot of lists in my world and in this world. 

This Friday marks 4 months that I have been in Honduras, and recently I've found myself thinking of different things that I have noticed and to which I have accustomed myself. So, I will join this new trend and post my list. 

Here are some truths and thoughts that I have after these 4 months abroad: 

1. Being a missionary is not easy. 

Posting happy pictures to Facebook is one thing, but living through those pictures is very different. The good times are great, but the hard times are difficult. Not only do I mean hard as in difficult to achieve in a ministry sense, but also in a personal sense. I left an easy life full of friends, family, work, and a very sensible future and traded it in for a life of solitude and uncertainty. There are many times that I second-guess my decision to be here out of want for a 'normal' life. I look online and see people getting married, going to graduate school, starting real jobs, and moving forward with their lives. Instead of moving forward, I've moved 90 degrees up (figuratively) and flown out of my well known world (literally). It is not always easy to see people with normal 23-year-old lives compared to my strange, off balance life. I don't date, work (in a normal sense), watch the newest TV shows, sit for hours in a coffee shop to read, or stay up late for a night with friends. And to be honest, I do miss that. But I also am very thankful for this life that I do have. God did not call me to a mundane life, He called me to an out-of-the-box, challenging life specifically to serve Him. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Every day, one hundred percent of the time. 

2. God always answers prayers.

I cannot even say how many times people have told me this throughout my life so far. "You may ask God for one thing, but He gives you another." "God gives you what He knows you need, not what you think you need." For some reason, I feel the need to reiterate this point, because I never seemed to really believe it before. There have been countless times that I've asked God for something in the past months here. He always responds, but hardly ever in the way that I had hoped. A small example: I've been setting my alarm for 6:00 so that I can do my devotional and have quiet time. Each morning, I hit snooze until 6:30 and wake up in time to give Alex breakfast, but I never have time to do my devotional. I've prayed and prayed that God will give me the motivation to wake up in the mornings to exercise and do my devotional, but it just never happened. About 2 weeks ago, someone gave me a dog. A Siberian Husky to be exact. Because he would get stolen if he slept outside, he sleeps in my room. Each morning, Lobo wakes me up at about 5:15. I asked God to give me sufficient time to do my devotional, and He gave me more than that. Lobo and I run a couple of miles in the morning and I have more than enough time to do my devotional before Alex wakes up. God knew exactly what it would take to get me awake, and He gave me just that: a 50 lb dog jumping on me and licking my face every morning.  I have countless more examples of God's funny way of answering prayers, but just know that He does work in wonderful and beautiful ways, even if we cannot see them right away.

3. Age is just a number.

This one is pretty simple, but still important. When I meet a lot of people, they think I am either much older or much younger than I actually am. Upon first meeting me, many people have asked if I've even graduated high school yet. After talking to me, generally people generally think I am in my 30's and married. I am 23 years old and have already accomplished more than I could have imagined in my life, because I've refused to allow people to hold me back. God has given me many opportunities and given me a life that is beyond that of a 'normal' 23-year-old. The important thing is that age does not matter. Whether 23 or 35, God has called me to this life and given me all of the necessary tools to fulfill His call. 

4. Asking for money is humbling in a way that cannot be easily matched.

Fortunately, my family has been blessed in many ways and has been able to provide for me. All of the extra things, I have been able to pay for. I've worked since I was 15 years old and had numerous part-time jobs. I know what it is like to provide for myself and to work for my living. Completely switching this self-sufficient lifestyle was hard and humbling. God calls for a community to serve, not just one person. He has called me to serve with my actions while others are called to serve through finances and prayer. Asking for financial partners is not easy, but it is what He has asked me to do. 

5. I frequently ask myself if I am doing 'enough.' 

Although I wake up at 5:15 and am generally going until about 9:00, I still find myself questioning if I am doing enough. What if people don't think I am doing enough? What if I take this day off and someone sees and thinks I should be doing more? What if.. What if... The problem with most of the questions I ask myself is that they generally involve other people. God has called me to this life and to this form of ministry. I am not doing too little, because I am doing exactly what He wants. Doing more things would be pretending that His call is not enough and would require me to give less to what I am already doing, putting less weight in His call for me. I have to remind myself not to take on more than I can handle or more than I've been called to do.

6. Dangerous is a relative word.

I've witnessed numerous machete fights, seen a gun pulled on someone, known people who have recently been murdered, and continuously have to look out for my safety. On the flip side, I read about race riots, mass murders, and unprovoked violence almost everyday that has taken place somewhere else in the world, many times in the United States. This country is dangerous, but not any more dangerous than the US. I had simply become comfortable with the dangers of the US and had to also become accustomed to the dangers of Honduras.

7. Finding time to be spiritually healthy is almost as challenging as finding time to be physically healthy.

This one is pretty self explanatory. I have very little spare time and struggle to keep up with devotionals (as I've already said) and constant prayer. It has been a challenge for me that I know will not get easier. If I had to be diligent in the US to stay connected to the Lord, I have to be five times as diligent here. Luckily, God is a patient God and understands when I fall short of what He really wants, because I almost always do. Staying physically healthy is a whole different battle. I cannot run far for safety reasons, and there aren't gyms quite as easily accessible as in the states. I've just recently discovered a free pool; so we'll see how that goes. 

The list of revelations and discoveries goes on and on, but these are just some I've decided to share.  Hopefully this gives a little more insight to the life that I live here so that others can understand a bit better. All lists aside, I have a pretty great life here and extremely thankful.  

Do nothing through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. -Philippians 2:3

It is (Not) Too Late

This past week Molly and I went to Nicaragua so that I could renew my visa here in Honduras. Because Nicaragua is just a quick bus ride away, we were fortunate enough to be able to relax, walk on the beach, and stay in a beach-side hostel for 3 days/nights.
 Due to my slightly modified sleeping schedule from taking care of Alex, I woke up at or before 6:00 each morning. Unlike Honduras where the whole world and its loudest animals rise with the sun before 5:00, no one was up early in Nicaragua. In fact, I couldn't even get a cup of coffee before about 7:30 (tough, I know). Anyway, this meant that I was left to wander around the beach, sit in the hammocks, and have a lot of devotional time before the rest of the world woke up. One morning after my devotional and a walk out on the beach, I came back to find the owner of the hostel sitting outside enjoying his coffee (lucky guy gets it before anyone else there). 
He and I started to chat about how he got there, why I was there, where I was from, etc. When I mentioned that Molly and I live with a ministry in Tegucigalpa, he was astounded and confused about why anyone would voluntarily live there and put themselves in danger each day. We had a long talk about the gangs and their influence on the government, businesses, and communities. I told him about my 'job' doing the accounting, working with communities in the street, and taking care of Alex. After telling him a little bit about Alex's background and why it is necessary for me to care for him, this man said something I will never forget. A string of things, really. 
First, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, 
"He is 11 years old? Well, by then it is already too late. There is no sense in trying to help him at that point. The damage has already been done and can never be undone." 
I responded as kindly as possible to tell him that I believe God can undo any sort of damage, and I will continue to take care of Alex regardless of how difficult it can be at times.
With this he continued to talk about the gangs and the current pact that two of the gangs have in which they are not fighting each other. His insight on this? 
"If it were up to me, I would give them more guns, more access to heavy weapons, and invite them to a free-for-all. These people have already destroyed their lives and it is too late for them to make anything better for themselves. The world would be a better place without all of them."

But the beauty of the Lord is that it is not too late, especially for little Alex. I have seen just in the past two months a drastic change in his attitude, behavior, and overall well-being. In no way could I ever take credit for his progress, though. With 100% certainty I know that God is working through me and through Alex to change his life. I do not know how to raise an 11 year old kid who has been shot out of a life of gangs, drugs, and violence. Thankfully, God does, and for Him, it is never too late.

His words were so strong to me and they show very clearly how many people view street ministry and any sort of ministry to gang members, past or present. It is not worth it. It is too late. Their lives are not worth it. They cannot be changed.
Everything about this describes why I am choosing to commit to Alex, to the people in La Kennedy, and to Honduras. They are worth it. They are worth my love and my time. It is not too late for them to be saved. 

On Saturday we continued our commitment to the community of La Kennedy and went down for the afternoon. The week before I had asked Carla, a 21 year old woman, if she would want to do a devotional with me each weekend and she eagerly said yes. Yesterday, in the midst of empty bottles of paint thinner, broken glass, and strewn garbage, we had our first devotional. Carla and I were joined by Ana Rosa, another woman with two little girls, Maria, one of my teammates from last summer who is visiting, and Dania, a teenage girl who lives with us at the ministry. Together, we read through the first chapter of the gospel of John and talked about what it means for us.
Carla summed up her thoughts on the first chapter of John: 
"God loves each one of us just the same. Even though we have different skin, different houses, and different jobs, He loves all of us equally. No one is better or worse in His eyes, even us [the people living in the dump]. He says that we are all His children."

Carla's perception of God's attitude towards His children is spot on. Regardless of the place of birth, skin color, the amount of addictions, clothes, a house, and every other factor in our lives, God loves all of us the same. In His eyes, everyone is worth it because we are all the same. We are His children. And it is not too late.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
    John 1:12-13