Into the Fire, Without Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
       2 Timothy 1:7

I have heard this verse countless times in my life and probably missed its true magnitude just as many times. 

When I started street ministry with my group last summer, I was surprised by the fearful reactions of my teammates many times after encountering tough situations. At the time, I attributed it to my own will power and ability, but now I realize that it was the Lord working through me so that I would continue His work. Going out in fear is not an option if He is for me, and He always is. 

A few things have happened recently that have sparked this thought train of fear, or lack there of. 

First, someone was killed in La Kennedy on a Saturday just hours after we had left. It is someone that I knew and with whom I had talked, eaten, and conversed on numerous occasions, both this year and last summer. I was told that the mareros, or gang members, came into the community and killed him point-blank because he had a tattoo of his name, which conflicted with their inter-gang tattoos. There were no questions asked, no chance for redemption, just murder. Senseless murder on the very ground which I walk twice a week. 

A few months ago, I was told by numerous people that La Kennedy is too dangerous, and I would be better off to just not do ministry there anymore. After several days of prayer, I knew that was not the answer. Tighter security and less nonchalance, yes. But to stop going all together was not an option for me, or more importantly, for God.  Even with high crime rates and a greater risk, it is still important, necessary even, to serve in La Kennedy. 

Similarly, there was a guest speaker during our normal church service last Sunday. For privacy, I will not disclose his name, but he grew up in the streets of Tegucigalpa running with drugs and the infamous MS gang, Mara Salvatrucha. His testimony is powerful and convicting. By heading his own drug business by the age of 13 and stepping into a leadership position in the gang by 16, he was "walking with the devil" on a daily basis. After years of this lifestyle, he was approached by a Christian missionary and introduced to the love of Christ to counteract the love of the gang. 

His conviction to our congregation was this: Where were the Christians when I was 9 years old and starting to use cocaine? Where were the Christians when I was 13 and selling drugs? Where were the Christians when I was 15 and committing unspeakable crimes? 

Certainly it is not an order to walk blindfolded into the den of a gang, but it is a message about those who are consistently left behind because the danger is seemingly too large and is not worth it. I did a blog months ago titled 'It's not too Late' in respect to Alex and the other boys that we are helping. It is not too late for them to change, nor is it too late for others to change. However, in order to give them the opportunity, they have to first be reached- physically, spiritually, emotionally. 

This man, this ex-gang leader, spoke strongly and said, "Do not forget those that are still in hell, those that still walk with the devil." 
We must be willing to die for those who are still walking with the devil, and we must trust that the Lord will bring us out of the flames. 

It is astounding the amount of encounters I've had with gang members, both present and past, in my time here in Honduras. A gang is no longer a surreal, far away concept that I can think about and not have any strong feelings towards. It is a very real, very dangerous situation, something to be approached with caution and great care, but something to approach nonetheless. 

I was born in the clouds. Some were born in the fire. That does not make me better, more important, or more valuable. It only makes me better equipped to walk boldly in the fire, with power, love, and a sound mind, and to give my hand to others who are drowning in that fire.

I continue to go to La Kennedy twice a week to work with Karla, Oscar, Francisco, Elida, Pamela, Carolina, Elias, and all of the other members of their community. My hope is to continue this ministry during my time in Honduras, but I am in need of more support to fulfill that commitment. If you would like to help me financially as I serve in the fire, please give with each of these people in mind.  I am looking for support of $75 monthly (from one or numerous donors) in order to bring sporadic meals to the community and for teaching & devotional materials for Oscar and the women of the community. 
Thank you for your support in both prayer and finances! 

The fastest way to donate is to go to www.worldoutreach.com/donations and find my name in the drop-down box. 
If you would like to donate via snail mail, the address can be found on the right hand margin of the webpage.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God.
         2 Timothy 1:8

Doubt and Faith

Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?

      Matthew 14:31b

Doubting in itself is not an evil thing. On the contrary, doubting leads to questions that must be answered in order to strengthen our faith. Without any sort of doubt being present, faith is impossible- at least for me. My mind is too logical and moves too rapidly for me to not doubt the world that I live in as well as my role in it. I frequently doubt choices that I have made in the past, the choice I have made to be here in Honduras, and, sometimes, even the core of my faith. However, my rational, doubting mind does not mean that I cannot also have faith- and a strong faith, even. 

Recently I have found myself doubting my aspects of my life here and questioning whether or not I am properly fulfilling the call that I have answered to be in Honduras. Then the reality check hits me- I am not doing anything. What is being done is being done through me, but it is being done by the Spirit. I can doubt my role in this world ten times over, but I cannot convince myself that the work that is being done has zero purpose or a purpose that can change the world. Only God can decide that, and He already has. 

I struggle with going to La Kennedy sometimes and the environment that is continuously saturated with drugs and alcohol. Due to recent incidences, Alex can no longer go to La Kennedy with me for this very reason. It is easy to doubt my role in the community and whether or not I am 'making a difference' when I can smell pot and alcohol while I tutor Oscar. My presence is beneficial to him, but it is not going to change the circumstances or the decisions of the community; only the presence of the Lord can do that. As a missionary and a Christian in general, my one job is to spread the Gospel, and that is what I am doing. I can doubt my role each day and become frustrated with the lack of realized expectations, but I must remember that my calling is to plant a seed, not to sow the whole garden. Working with Oscar and doing regular devotionals with Karla are the tasks that the Lord has given me in La Kennedy; He has not called me to start a drug program. 

The disciples doubted left and right during their time with Jesus and showed little potential for improvement at times, but Jesus knew better than them. Doubting their position/roles as disciples as well as His own identity helped them to learn more about Him and His character as the Son of God. 

In comparison, it is completely natural to doubt my position as a spiritual leader and to question that which I am capable of doing...to an extent. At which point, I have to turn to scripture and prayer to gain a better foundation of the Spirit working through me. When I begin to doubt, I need to look at the work that has already been done by the Spirit through me, and I need to focus my attention on the future and trust that the Lord will guide me. By focusing on my faith and throwing out the doubt that has sometimes settled in my heart, anything is possible. All things can be accomplished through his power.

And when He had come to the house, His disciples asked him privately, "Why could we not cast it out?" So He said to them, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."

          Mark 9:28-29

And if any of you lacks wisdom, let him go to God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. but let him ask in faith, with no doubting. For he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

           James 1:5-6

Karla and her water filter

Reading the Bible with Alex (and Lobo)

Bringing a water filter to Alex's family

Devotional with Karla and little sister Elida

Physics and God

The past couple of months my role here in the ministry has snowballed from tiny into quite large. Part of that involves tutoring many of the kids here on the property, as well as 17-year-old Oscar in La Kennedy. Oddly enough, teaching is the last thing I wanted to do with my life; I even switched my focus of study in school to avoid it. Luckily, God is infinitely better equipped than I am to teach his children, and he has continued to give me the necessary tools to teach as well, primarily patience abounding.

When I switched my studies from English/Spanish to Astrophysics, the majority of my family and friends thought I was crazy. I was told that it was going to be too challenging, that I wouldn't be able to find a career in it, and just what exactly did I think I was going to do with that degree?
God was so far ahead of me, and them, that he had it all covered.
I would be a tutor. And not just in any ol' subjects. A tutor in physics, math, and astronomy.
How could God have prepared me any better than that?

Although I am giving a bit of my time to all of the kids, my main tutoring focus right now is Luis. Luis is 17-years-old and in 10th grade, which means he has started math and physics. I was asked to begin tutoring him about a month and a half ago in order to help with his exam scores, and I was astounded at the amount of information he did not know (graphing a point, slope, distances...the list goes on). About a week ago, Luis came home from school with a big smile on his face telling me that he had passed his physics exam. From a 9% to passing with just one exam! Now, Luis comes to the house each day to catch up on material he had missed before and to do the homework for the night. Each day he is increasingly more excited to learn and is proud of his accomplishments. He frequently says to me, "Jen, did you see? I did it!" and just last night said that he wanted to cry because he was so happy that he was understanding.
But it hasn't always been easy. It was hard at first, because he did not grasp the basics and therefore could not progress any further to learn new information. Sometimes it was, and still is, frustrating.

As with everything, there is a connection here to God.

Without the knowing the basics of God, it is impossible to understand more difficult concepts and questions. If I did not know God's character, that He is just and patient and steadfast and compassionate, how could I understand that He will not abandon me even when I fail and that He has plans for my life? I couldn't.
Just as Luis couldn't understand projectile motion until he grasped the concepts of 'x' and 'y' components.

Similarly, it is never too late to learn the basics. God has given us all of the information about His character through His word, the Bible. Like a cheat-sheet of physics formulas, we can always go back to the Bible to refresh, review, and relearn the basics of His glory. Although I falter each day in certain ways, I can continue to go to the Lord to be filled and taught, and He will continue to teach me.


Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
         Psalm 25:4-5

Just Another List

Almost every time I am online I see another list: 15 Must-See Places Before You Die; 5 Things No One Told You About Life After College; 10 Most Loyal Dog Breeds; 7 Quick and Healthy Recipes- the list of lists goes on and on. I've also become quite fond of lists since becoming a dog owner, full-time missionary, and pseudo-mom to a handful of kids. Grocery list. School supplies list. Outreach supplies list. To-do list. Visitors list. List of books to read. List of Bible verses. You get the hang of it- there are a lot of lists in my world and in this world. 

This Friday marks 4 months that I have been in Honduras, and recently I've found myself thinking of different things that I have noticed and to which I have accustomed myself. So, I will join this new trend and post my list. 

Here are some truths and thoughts that I have after these 4 months abroad: 

1. Being a missionary is not easy. 

Posting happy pictures to Facebook is one thing, but living through those pictures is very different. The good times are great, but the hard times are difficult. Not only do I mean hard as in difficult to achieve in a ministry sense, but also in a personal sense. I left an easy life full of friends, family, work, and a very sensible future and traded it in for a life of solitude and uncertainty. There are many times that I second-guess my decision to be here out of want for a 'normal' life. I look online and see people getting married, going to graduate school, starting real jobs, and moving forward with their lives. Instead of moving forward, I've moved 90 degrees up (figuratively) and flown out of my well known world (literally). It is not always easy to see people with normal 23-year-old lives compared to my strange, off balance life. I don't date, work (in a normal sense), watch the newest TV shows, sit for hours in a coffee shop to read, or stay up late for a night with friends. And to be honest, I do miss that. But I also am very thankful for this life that I do have. God did not call me to a mundane life, He called me to an out-of-the-box, challenging life specifically to serve Him. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Every day, one hundred percent of the time. 

2. God always answers prayers.

I cannot even say how many times people have told me this throughout my life so far. "You may ask God for one thing, but He gives you another." "God gives you what He knows you need, not what you think you need." For some reason, I feel the need to reiterate this point, because I never seemed to really believe it before. There have been countless times that I've asked God for something in the past months here. He always responds, but hardly ever in the way that I had hoped. A small example: I've been setting my alarm for 6:00 so that I can do my devotional and have quiet time. Each morning, I hit snooze until 6:30 and wake up in time to give Alex breakfast, but I never have time to do my devotional. I've prayed and prayed that God will give me the motivation to wake up in the mornings to exercise and do my devotional, but it just never happened. About 2 weeks ago, someone gave me a dog. A Siberian Husky to be exact. Because he would get stolen if he slept outside, he sleeps in my room. Each morning, Lobo wakes me up at about 5:15. I asked God to give me sufficient time to do my devotional, and He gave me more than that. Lobo and I run a couple of miles in the morning and I have more than enough time to do my devotional before Alex wakes up. God knew exactly what it would take to get me awake, and He gave me just that: a 50 lb dog jumping on me and licking my face every morning.  I have countless more examples of God's funny way of answering prayers, but just know that He does work in wonderful and beautiful ways, even if we cannot see them right away.

3. Age is just a number.

This one is pretty simple, but still important. When I meet a lot of people, they think I am either much older or much younger than I actually am. Upon first meeting me, many people have asked if I've even graduated high school yet. After talking to me, generally people generally think I am in my 30's and married. I am 23 years old and have already accomplished more than I could have imagined in my life, because I've refused to allow people to hold me back. God has given me many opportunities and given me a life that is beyond that of a 'normal' 23-year-old. The important thing is that age does not matter. Whether 23 or 35, God has called me to this life and given me all of the necessary tools to fulfill His call. 

4. Asking for money is humbling in a way that cannot be easily matched.

Fortunately, my family has been blessed in many ways and has been able to provide for me. All of the extra things, I have been able to pay for. I've worked since I was 15 years old and had numerous part-time jobs. I know what it is like to provide for myself and to work for my living. Completely switching this self-sufficient lifestyle was hard and humbling. God calls for a community to serve, not just one person. He has called me to serve with my actions while others are called to serve through finances and prayer. Asking for financial partners is not easy, but it is what He has asked me to do. 

5. I frequently ask myself if I am doing 'enough.' 

Although I wake up at 5:15 and am generally going until about 9:00, I still find myself questioning if I am doing enough. What if people don't think I am doing enough? What if I take this day off and someone sees and thinks I should be doing more? What if.. What if... The problem with most of the questions I ask myself is that they generally involve other people. God has called me to this life and to this form of ministry. I am not doing too little, because I am doing exactly what He wants. Doing more things would be pretending that His call is not enough and would require me to give less to what I am already doing, putting less weight in His call for me. I have to remind myself not to take on more than I can handle or more than I've been called to do.

6. Dangerous is a relative word.

I've witnessed numerous machete fights, seen a gun pulled on someone, known people who have recently been murdered, and continuously have to look out for my safety. On the flip side, I read about race riots, mass murders, and unprovoked violence almost everyday that has taken place somewhere else in the world, many times in the United States. This country is dangerous, but not any more dangerous than the US. I had simply become comfortable with the dangers of the US and had to also become accustomed to the dangers of Honduras.

7. Finding time to be spiritually healthy is almost as challenging as finding time to be physically healthy.

This one is pretty self explanatory. I have very little spare time and struggle to keep up with devotionals (as I've already said) and constant prayer. It has been a challenge for me that I know will not get easier. If I had to be diligent in the US to stay connected to the Lord, I have to be five times as diligent here. Luckily, God is a patient God and understands when I fall short of what He really wants, because I almost always do. Staying physically healthy is a whole different battle. I cannot run far for safety reasons, and there aren't gyms quite as easily accessible as in the states. I've just recently discovered a free pool; so we'll see how that goes. 

The list of revelations and discoveries goes on and on, but these are just some I've decided to share.  Hopefully this gives a little more insight to the life that I live here so that others can understand a bit better. All lists aside, I have a pretty great life here and extremely thankful.  

Do nothing through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. -Philippians 2:3

It is (Not) Too Late

This past week Molly and I went to Nicaragua so that I could renew my visa here in Honduras. Because Nicaragua is just a quick bus ride away, we were fortunate enough to be able to relax, walk on the beach, and stay in a beach-side hostel for 3 days/nights.
 Due to my slightly modified sleeping schedule from taking care of Alex, I woke up at or before 6:00 each morning. Unlike Honduras where the whole world and its loudest animals rise with the sun before 5:00, no one was up early in Nicaragua. In fact, I couldn't even get a cup of coffee before about 7:30 (tough, I know). Anyway, this meant that I was left to wander around the beach, sit in the hammocks, and have a lot of devotional time before the rest of the world woke up. One morning after my devotional and a walk out on the beach, I came back to find the owner of the hostel sitting outside enjoying his coffee (lucky guy gets it before anyone else there). 
He and I started to chat about how he got there, why I was there, where I was from, etc. When I mentioned that Molly and I live with a ministry in Tegucigalpa, he was astounded and confused about why anyone would voluntarily live there and put themselves in danger each day. We had a long talk about the gangs and their influence on the government, businesses, and communities. I told him about my 'job' doing the accounting, working with communities in the street, and taking care of Alex. After telling him a little bit about Alex's background and why it is necessary for me to care for him, this man said something I will never forget. A string of things, really. 
First, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, 
"He is 11 years old? Well, by then it is already too late. There is no sense in trying to help him at that point. The damage has already been done and can never be undone." 
I responded as kindly as possible to tell him that I believe God can undo any sort of damage, and I will continue to take care of Alex regardless of how difficult it can be at times.
With this he continued to talk about the gangs and the current pact that two of the gangs have in which they are not fighting each other. His insight on this? 
"If it were up to me, I would give them more guns, more access to heavy weapons, and invite them to a free-for-all. These people have already destroyed their lives and it is too late for them to make anything better for themselves. The world would be a better place without all of them."

But the beauty of the Lord is that it is not too late, especially for little Alex. I have seen just in the past two months a drastic change in his attitude, behavior, and overall well-being. In no way could I ever take credit for his progress, though. With 100% certainty I know that God is working through me and through Alex to change his life. I do not know how to raise an 11 year old kid who has been shot out of a life of gangs, drugs, and violence. Thankfully, God does, and for Him, it is never too late.

His words were so strong to me and they show very clearly how many people view street ministry and any sort of ministry to gang members, past or present. It is not worth it. It is too late. Their lives are not worth it. They cannot be changed.
Everything about this describes why I am choosing to commit to Alex, to the people in La Kennedy, and to Honduras. They are worth it. They are worth my love and my time. It is not too late for them to be saved. 

On Saturday we continued our commitment to the community of La Kennedy and went down for the afternoon. The week before I had asked Carla, a 21 year old woman, if she would want to do a devotional with me each weekend and she eagerly said yes. Yesterday, in the midst of empty bottles of paint thinner, broken glass, and strewn garbage, we had our first devotional. Carla and I were joined by Ana Rosa, another woman with two little girls, Maria, one of my teammates from last summer who is visiting, and Dania, a teenage girl who lives with us at the ministry. Together, we read through the first chapter of the gospel of John and talked about what it means for us.
Carla summed up her thoughts on the first chapter of John: 
"God loves each one of us just the same. Even though we have different skin, different houses, and different jobs, He loves all of us equally. No one is better or worse in His eyes, even us [the people living in the dump]. He says that we are all His children."

Carla's perception of God's attitude towards His children is spot on. Regardless of the place of birth, skin color, the amount of addictions, clothes, a house, and every other factor in our lives, God loves all of us the same. In His eyes, everyone is worth it because we are all the same. We are His children. And it is not too late.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
    John 1:12-13

Not of this World

In chapter 17 of John, Jesus says His longest prayer ever recorded. He prays for Himself, for His disciples, and for the rest of the world who has yet to encounter His glory and His word. In speaking of those who have chosen to follow Him, He says:

            They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. (v. 16)

Not of the world; not of this world. As Christians, as followers of Jesus, we should look to others like we are not even part of the world that we live in. We should be so far above it, so far removed from its antics that we are aliens in comparison. We should be alienating ourselves- knowingly and happily. 

With Christ, with His word, things that bother this world or things that this world cares about should not permeate my life. I am not of the world in the very same way that Jesus was not of this world. Any judgement, discrimination, wrongdoing, etc. should be solid bases for me to pray rather than condemn and forgive rather than hold grudges. 

Earlier in John chapter 17 (backtracking, I know), Jesus prays:

             I have manifested Your name to the men whom you have given Me out of the world. They were Yours, You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your word. Now they have known all things which you have given Me are from You. (v. 6-7)

The men who You have given, who God has given. All of those who are placed in my path of discipleship are done so by God. It is not a coincidence nor any sort of stroke of luck. We do not chose who we disciple or serve, rather He chooses for us and organizes everything so that discipleship is even made possible. God will not send us disciples that we will not be able to reach. 

Of course, not every person that we encounter or with whom we build a relationship is going to be a disciple in the way that Jesus had disciples. Does God want us to share His love and His word? Of course! But discipleship in this sense refers to the constant, dedicated, devoted teaching of the gospel. Jesus had only 12 disciples while He was on Earth; why would I ever dream that I could have more than that? 

But with those disciples that God has sent us, has given us, He also provides us with the necessary tools to be successful in His name; He will not abandon us. 

These truths have been especially powerful in the past couple of weeks of ministry here in Honduras. Primarily because I am continuing to work with Alex and to show him God's word and His truth, and also because I have re-opened the door to street ministry in La Kennedy. 

About 2 weeks ago I started to read the Bible with Alex each night before he goes to bed. It is beneficial in so many ways (both of us practicing our reading in Spanish, he is learning the gospel, etc.), but my favorite part is talking to him afterwards about what we have read. Almost each night that we read, something new pertains to whatever has happened that day or something that has been consistent in his behavior or daily activities. Most recently we had a conversation about Jesus- how Jesus is God, but He is also God's son, and He came to save us from our sins. For an 11 year old, the depth of this conversation was astounding to me. I know that God is giving me the words to speak to this child, because there is no way that I could do this on my own. Although I am taking care of him as if he were my child for a little while, he has very clearly been placed in my life so that I can disciple him and teach him God's word.

Likewise, I am struggling a bit with 'making disciples' of the people that I am serving in La Kennedy. Since last summer, the community of 30-35 has changed quite a bit. There are much more young people living in the dump, one person has died, and a number of new women have joined the community. I thought ministry was a bit lopsided last summer, but now it is vastly more so. Through the words of John, it is so clear that God will give me disciples in His time, and they will be just that, given by Him. None of this will prevent me from building on the relationships from last summer and starting new relationships, but I must be aware of His guidance in order to disciple them in the correct way. For now, I must love them and serve them in every way that I can. When everyone else walks past their community and shuns them, I must act in a way that is not of this world and love them anyway. I have to alienate myself in order to love them, serve them, and glorify Him.

Here is a little bit more of what has happened in the past few weeks:

 We celebrated Alex's 11th birthday on the 10th of the month with homemade tres leches cake, decorations, gifts, and a trip to the movies; it was his first birthday party ever! Just two days later he climbed onto a wild horse that had wandered onto the property. The horse was spooked by our big dogs and took off running into the street, where Alex fell off. 

One step forward, two steps backwards. 

I am looking to have Alex enrolled by the end of July in a private bilingual school which will start in August. In order to be admitted, we are practicing English each day and studying hard in mathematics, science, and grammar. I am also praying that funds will come in so that this will be covered. It will be $200 for initial registration and $75/month afterwards. 

Last week Molly and I painted the kids rooms so that they are appropriately painted (blue for the boys and purple for the girls). With the fresh coats of paint and a couple of curtains, the rooms finally look like a home! 

I am so glad to say that I have restarted street ministry in La Kennedy! I have committed to going down each Saturday to just spend time and hang out and each Wednesday to read to the kids, teach some English, and hopefully do a simple Bible study with the women. 

Two weeks ago we had a visit from Barbara, the mother of one of the girls from my team last summer. She has been such a blessing to us for so many reasons! Fellowship, blessing the kids' rooms with curtains & nightlights, bringing toys & games, life advice, and many laughs. We are so thankful for her!

We also have a couple visiting us from Portland who is traveling around the world for a year spreading the Word. They have also been a great blessing to the ministry through their eagerness to build relationships with the boys and with us. Josh is an engineer, so I've loved having someone here with whom I can make cheesy science jokes! 

I am so excited to continue all of these ministries here in Honduras and to serve our great Lord. If you would like to partner with me on this crazy journey, please consider supporting through prayer or finances. Donation instructions can be found in the right hand margin of the webpage, and prayers are welcome for all ministries as well as daily life.

Thanks for reading! 

Molly and me painting the girls room

Alex with his new ball! 

Alex with his new Honduras shirt

Just a little bit of frosting! 

Holy and Blameless

"Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him."
   NASB

"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight."
   NIV

"Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love."
   NKJV

         Ephesians 1:4 (emphasis mine)

So what does it really mean to be holy, to be blameless...especially before the Lord? It is so easy to read that passage, but it's so much easier to miss how big of a gift, a blessing it is.  Before the Lord of all the earth, the creator, the father, the ruler of all...I am, you are, without blame and HOLY. That word...holy. Like the Holy Spirit, holy like God, Jesus himself. How do I respond to that grace, to that amazing description of my life each day? Lately I have felt that conviction. Am I living like I am holy and blameless before the Lord, or am I living like I am holy and without blame before my family, friends, community? Recognizing the grace and mercy that God has given me allows me to transfer that very same grace and mercy to others so they can see, through me, before the Lord, they are also blameless and holy.
 As a missionary here in Honduras it is often easy to put myself on my own little pedestal and find little blame or fault in my life. Sometimes that self-centered, self-empowered thought creeps in that I am holy, bu not necessarily through the Lord. Rather, I am holy in comparison to all of the people by which I am surrounded.  But the magnificence of God is that He does not make that comparison like I do. In Him, I am holy and without blame, forgiven with grace by the blood of His son, just as the drug addict on the street is equally as holy and blameless. So what's the difference? I know it, and he does not. Transferring that message becomes the challenge; the good news of the gospel, of Jesus, of grace. By focusing on my God-given holiness rather than my self-empowered pseudo-holiness, I can be a tool to share that message and transfer that grace.

Working with Alex this past month has been a great example of this transfer and how it is easier than I thought, but also harder than I could have ever imagined.
So what has been going on the past month?

My main ministry and focus continues to be little Alex. About two weeks ago he and I moved into the 'kids home' next to the main house on the property. We now live with Molly, little Asmin and Anderson, and Karen, a 30-ish year old deaf woman. The transition has been easy in some ways, but also challenging. Alex loves living and sharing a room with Anderson, who is just two years younger than him; however, it has been a big challenge for him to assimilate to a life with stricter rules.
I've continued to use his schedule as a daily guideline, but he also has a few added rules that he did not have before (ask permission to leave the property, only one hour of TV each day, do homework and bathe before dinner, etc.), and he receives castigo (punishment) if he does not follow the rules. This is a huge change for him because he was not previously punished for any sort of rule-breaking. Generally, castigo means he has to sit quietly in his room without playing with others. We had a lot of screaming, crying, etc. in the first week, but the second week brought much better behavior and respect. He continues to get better each day and is now significantly happier with his 'kid life' versus the 'teenage life' he was able to live before.
It has been a huge challenge for him to understand that the rules are not because we want to continuously punish him or hurt him, but because we love him and are trying to help him. Thankfully, he is beginning to understand this and has started to hug me after his quiet hour of castigo.
Our biggest obstacle recently came this past week with his first visit to the dentist. He was scheduled to have two teeth taken out because they are rotting from earlier. During the visit, he refused to cooperate and screamed, cried, and bit the dentist numerous times. Even after all of her patience, she thought it was best for him to come back a different time. We will return Tuesday for take two and another go at cooperation.

Each morning before school Alex and I pray together for his day, and Molly and I are starting to introduce reading the Bible before bed each night. Just as we have to recognize that we are holy and blameless before the Lord, we are trying to teach the little ones that they are holy and blameless as well. Regardless of the amount of castigos, Alex, Asmin, and Anderson are all perfect, holy, and blameless before the Lord because of His love.

In addition, I've officially taken over all of the accounting for the ministry, grocery shopping for the family for half of the week, and cooking a few meals throughout the week. It has been a full time job each week, especially on top of caring for Alex. The Lord is definitely giving me patience each day to be able to sit and do all of the office work for the ministry, but it is so easy to jump into all of these roles when they are so obviously where I am needed. Essentially, I have jumped into the shoes of a mother of 15 for some things, but especially for Alex on a daily basis.

We are praying for some big changes in the family and on the property in general within the next month or two. I ask for prayers for these changes that the transition(s) will be smooth and for God's hand to continue to be on this place and this family.


 As always, if you would like to support my ministry here with this family and the surrounding community, I would love for you to partner with me in prayer, finances, or both. For donation instructions, look to the sidebar on the right hand side of the webpage. Thank you and God bless!

Anderson (left) and Alex (right) all dressed up for church

Anderson, Alex, and Asmin enjoying a chocolate-covered mango outside

Beautiful view of the backyard

Expectations vs. Reality

 As Christians, and especially as missionaries, we often have high expectations for what will happen in our lives or in the lives of those to whom we minister. We have perfect ideas of how every life will change radically and there will be/should be few difficulties in any direction- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually; however, God did not call us to lead easy lives. Our expectations are frequently challenged and rarely met or exceeded. We think that we will be doing one thing, but the Lord very clearly shows us differently. These past couple of weeks I have seen how He has taken the expectations that I had for my time in Honduras and He has flipped them 180 degrees so that I can better serve HIM rather than my own desires.

 So what does that reality look like? A week ago I moved back to Zion's Gate, a ministry located just outside of Tegucigalpa where I lived and worked all last summer when I was in Honduras. After being with Gracie and Lee for just a few days, I knew that I was not meant to stay there for long. The Lord put it on my heart that it was only a time of preparation and not a permanent home for me. Through many days of prayer and seeking council, the Lord led me back to Zion's Gate to continue ministry here.

 Initially, I had decided to come back to Honduras to do street ministry, regardless of the ministry or city. When I came back to Zion's Gate, it was very clear that I am here to minister to the family and to the kids here before I reach out to the community. Of course, I will continue to go out and do ministry in the streets once or twice a week with a few of the boys, but it will not be the main focus for the time being.

 Right now, my main focus is a 10-year-old boy named Alex. Alex is the cousin of Carlos and Cristofer, two brothers who live on the property, and he just recently came to live with the family about 6 months ago. Before living here, he was living on the streets with other members of their family. Because of the way their family operates, Alex was already doing paint thinner and was very rarely going to school. This 10-year-old boy was surrounded by older boys aged 16+, and he was expected to behave and do the same things as them, and he did. As a result, Alex has been fast-tracked to grow up in some ways, but extremely stunted in other ways; he has not had a real childhood. Now that he lives with the family here at Zion's Gate, he is still lumped in with the older boys and rarely gets to be a kid. I am here to change that!

 Alex goes to school at the small public school around the corner at which we taught last summer. Everyday after school, he comes back to the property and he and I go through his homework. Sometimes it is 20 minutes, sometimes an hour- just like every other 10-year-old. Recently, I have started a reward system so that he will get a few cookies each day after he finishes his homework. I am also in the process of making a daily schedule for him so that he can get back on track and be a kid again. For a while, I will be his pseudo-mom here on the property. This is something that I never would have imagined doing here, but God is continuously giving me the tools to work with Alex and to be patient with him. It is a very slow process since he has a lot to work through out of his past, but I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for him!

If you would like to support Alex or give a donation to help pay for his rewards, supplies, new clothes (he has only couple shirts, pairs of pants, and one pair of shoes), please let me know so that I can direct your donation to him.

As a general financial update, for the month of April my monthly support amount was just over $300. I am still looking for supporters so that I can reach the goal of $450 each month, and a few extra supporters so that I will be able to bless different areas of ministry. After the first month here, I will post exactly where the funds have gone and what they are being used for.  Please consider partnering with me so that I can continue ministering to this family and also bring ministry back out to the community.

The easiest way to donate is online at www.worldoutreach.org/donations; simply choose my name from the dropdown list - Jennifer Olsen #263





Meet Alex!

Back on the Mission Field

Hello from Honduras!

After an overnight delay in El Salvador Monday night, I made it to Honduras Tuesday morning on the 29th. While the delay would normally have been another tedious travel annoyance, it turned out to be such a blessing! The airline gave each person (12 in all) dinner, a hotel room, breakfast, and a driver to/from the airport. I'm not sure I have ever stayed in such a nice hotel or had such an expansive buffet of food, especially at 10:00 at night. I was able to enjoy dinner and conversation with wonderful travel companions from Peru, Colombia, Honduras, and various parts of the US; God is good!

I was picked up from the airport by a missionary couple whose daughter has a children's home in Tegucigalpa, and they drove me out to Talanga, a city about an hour and a half north of the capital (Tegucigalpa). Currently, I am staying with Gracie and Lee Murphree and their ministry, The Heart of Christ, which focuses primarily on teenage girls who are victims of domestic rape or abuse. At any given time on the property there are three 3-4 year old boys, a 2 year old boy, two 1-2 year old baby girls, 2 teenage girls, a cook, 3 nannies, and Gracie and Lee. The past 10 days I have been working with the little ones and beginning to build relationships with the staff and the two teenage girls who live here. As always, I have made good friends with the woman who cooks for us and we have wonderful, long conversations over coffee in the afternoon. 

Much of my time has been spent relaxing and re-assimilating to third world life and all that it entails- primarily waking up at 5:30 am, bathing with cold bucket showers, and finding hand-sized spiders/cockroaches in our bedroom. I share an 'apartment' with a fellow missionary, Jessica, that is on the second floor of the main building. Thankfully, we get to retreat during the afternoons while the boys nap to have a few minutes of peace and quiet to ourselves.

Please continue to pray for me as I ease back in to life here in Honduras doing ministry. I will be posting very soon about new changes that are to come as well as April's financial update.

Thanks for checking in!

The neighbor's house

Driving through Tegucigalpa

Diego

The boys getting into their bunk bed

View from our 'apartment'

Accommodations

For the past couple of months my sister and I have been doing another trans-continental study, this time on the book of Acts. Conveniently, our college group at church also began a study on Acts a few weeks ago. Although I've read bits and pieces of Acts throughout recent years, I had never taken the time to really delve into it and break it down verse by verse. In the perfect timing of the Lord, I am now studying it each day- a perfect wrap-up for my time here in the states.

This past weekend a small group of us watched a video about the first 1,000 years of Christianity as it relates to the reading of Acts. We talked for a while about accommodations and how, in Jerusalem, the Jewish converts to Christianity felt that Paul was making accommodations for the Gentiles so that they could accept Christ and the new religion. The question was then posed: "What sort of accommodations are we making in the church today?"

Initially we discussed how we leave little room for necessary change when we bring someone to the Lord. Paul taught with a sense of urgency because of the inevitable persecution; he needed for as many people to hear the word as he could possibly reach.  On the flip-side, we have urgency in the modern church so that we can add to our attendance and grow the local church. While there are certainly benefits to boosting attendance that include the sharing of the gospel and a true conversion, I think often time that is not the central goal. If our urgency were to return to that of Paul, of sharing the word of Christ across all nations and continents, surely the church will grow equally as efficiently.  We are, in a sense, accommodating for a lack of outreach and ministry in the church, as well as a lack of real change in conversion. 

Paul urged the new converts that they must be diligent in prayer and fellowship. Acts 2:42-47 says that they were devoted to the fellowship, teaching, communion, and prayer...everyday. Do we make accommodations today so that this devotion is no longer 'necessary'? Is it suddenly okay and acceptable to have fellowship and prayer just one or two days each week and communion once a month? Something tells me the Lord is not satisfied with that. Even as Christians who are not new to the faith, we sometimes spend less time in the word, in prayer, in teaching, in fellowship. We accommodate for ourselves and our lifestyles.

I think the big difference between Paul's accommodations and our own is that he was accommodating for others and we tend to accommodate for ourselves.  We accommodate for non-Christian attitudes, negativity, lack of prayer, lack of ministry, lack of fellowship, and we attribute it to busy schedules, work, non-necessity, etc. Of course, not each person is guilty of this each day, but at some point I am sure that we are all guilty of each of those accommodations to a certain degree.  For us, accommodations quickly turn into excuses to not have the same urgency as Paul and to accommodate for ourselves rather than for the needs of others.

At the end of it all, I have had to ask myself: What accommodations am I making for myself? For others?

And what is the remedy, the grand fix for these accommodations? I think it is simple: A return to the basics- teaching, the fellowship, communion, and prayer. As far as the accommodations for others, I think we have to return to Paul's basic, but powerful, urgency- to share the word and the love of the Lord. In this way, an accommodation becomes a positive rather than a negative action.

My prayer is that we will all begin to accommodate for ourselves less and for others more and that we will return to Paul's urgency of spreading the word and truly changing lives through the Lord.
I also pray that, when I return to Honduras, I will follow in Paul's footsteps in order to reach the unreachable and lead the lost back to their Father.

Shout out to FCC college group for bringing up some discussion points on the history of Christianity, Acts, and accommodations.

Six Weeks Out: Thoughts and Logistics

I've been on a little bit of a hiatus, but, as of tomorrow, my trip is SIX WEEKS away, so I figured now is as good a time as any to get back on the wagon. From here on out, I will be posting (semi) regularly about the happenings on the mission field. 

Recently I have spent a lot of time thinking about how temporary my life is right now. I am working at the same part-time job as the past year and a half, but it is very much a temporary job; it is not my career, nor would I want it to be. The church I attend is wonderful and has given me a strong community in the past year, but it is a temporary place of worship and fellowship. Many of the people I have met in the past few years will continue to be part of my life in some way, but for the most part the relationships that I have right now are temporary merely because it will be implausible to maintain them all in the future.  Because I've graduated college, I am no longer fully booked each day, and I have a temporary break in a crazy schedule. 

Initially I was impatient and eager to get through this stateside period of preparation. I wanted to be on the mission field, and I wanted it to happen RIGHT NOW. Then I realized how much the 'temporary' is preparing me for the future, and perhaps the 'permanent.'

Don't get me wrong; I am not planning to stay in Honduras forever. 

I am, however, planning to live out my faith in a permanent way. Rather than attending a Sunday service and an occasional Bible study, I am full committed to a lifetime of radical, faith-oriented living. For the foreseeable future, that looks like mission work in Honduras, but that is still a temporary situation, and I know there is still so much room for change within this upcoming period. The Lord has shown me in these months that He has shaped my life to be ready for the temporary. He has given me a passionate, eager motivation to succeed and progress, but He has also given me the gift of being 100% present, even in the temporary.  

These months stateside have reminded me of how precious and important time is. Not in a 'you may die tomorrow' sort of way, but in a 'learn from everything and everyone' sort of way. In a sense, I fully believe this was my biggest lesson in preparation. Regardless of how temporary or permanent a situation is, I am prepared to be present, passionate, and to soak up experiences and relationships like a sponge. After all, isn't that what ministry is about- using the passion of the Lord to share the Gospel and build relationships? Jesus' time here was temporary, but it was powerful. By harnessing an attitude of being present, my time can be productive and powerful as well.
My prayer is that these next weeks will be even more enlightening than the past months and that I will keep my focus on the 'now,' temporary or not. 

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

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Once a month I will give a mini fund report for those of you who are financially invested in my mission work and are curious about where your money is going. For now, that will really just be an update about where I am with my monthly support. Aside from finances, I will do my best to post pictures, ministry updates, and any other news at least once or twice a month. As with before, time between posting will depend primarily on internet availability, so please be patient.

With that said, here is the up-to-date fund report:
In total, I have raised $5,155.
Last month's total was $280. 
I am still looking for monthly supporters before I leave. Please consider signing up for monthly donations if you feel called to do so. $5, $15, $30, $50, $100- No amount is too small, and every bit helps. My goal is to reach the $450 amount each month without counting on one-time donations. 

If you would like to partner with me, donations can be made either online or via post. In the right-hand margin there is a direct link for online donations and an address for donations by mail. Thank you for your support!