1 Peter 4:8

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Just Another List

Almost every time I am online I see another list: 15 Must-See Places Before You Die; 5 Things No One Told You About Life After College; 10 Most Loyal Dog Breeds; 7 Quick and Healthy Recipes- the list of lists goes on and on. I've also become quite fond of lists since becoming a dog owner, full-time missionary, and pseudo-mom to a handful of kids. Grocery list. School supplies list. Outreach supplies list. To-do list. Visitors list. List of books to read. List of Bible verses. You get the hang of it- there are a lot of lists in my world and in this world. 
This Friday marks 4 months that I have been in Honduras, and recently I've found myself thinking of different things that I have noticed and to which I have accustomed myself. So, I will join this new trend and post my list. 

Here are some truths and thoughts that I have after these 4 months abroad: 

1. Being a missionary is not easy. 
Posting happy pictures to Facebook is one thing, but living through those pictures is very different. The good times are great, but the hard times are difficult. Not only do I mean hard as in difficult to achieve in a ministry sense, but also in a personal sense. I left an easy life full of friends, family, work, and a very sensible future and traded it in for a life of solitude and uncertainty. There are many times that I second-guess my decision to be here out of want for a 'normal' life. I look online and see people getting married, going to graduate school, starting real jobs, and moving forward with their lives. Instead of moving forward, I've moved 90 degrees up (figuratively) and flown out of my well known world (literally). It is not always easy to see people with normal 23-year-old lives compared to my strange, off balance life. I don't date, work (in a normal sense), watch the newest TV shows, sit for hours in a coffee shop to read, or stay up late for a night with friends. And to be honest, I do miss that. But I also am very thankful for this life that I do have. God did not call me to a mundane life, He called me to an out-of-the-box, challenging life specifically to serve Him. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Every day, one hundred percent of the time. 

2. God always answers prayers.
I cannot even say how many times people have told me this throughout my life so far. "You may ask God for one thing, but He gives you another." "God gives you what He knows you need, not what you think you need." For some reason, I feel the need to reiterate this point, because I never seemed to really believe it before. There have been countless times that I've asked God for something in the past months here. He always responds, but hardly ever in the way that I had hoped. A small example: I've been setting my alarm for 6:00 so that I can do my devotional and have quiet time. Each morning, I hit snooze until 6:30 and wake up in time to give Alex breakfast, but I never have time to do my devotional. I've prayed and prayed that God will give me the motivation to wake up in the mornings to exercise and do my devotional, but it just never happened. About 2 weeks ago, someone gave me a dog. A Siberian Husky to be exact. Because he would get stolen if he slept outside, he sleeps in my room. Each morning, Lobo wakes me up at about 5:15. I asked God to give me sufficient time to do my devotional, and He gave me more than that. Lobo and I run a couple of miles in the morning and I have more than enough time to do my devotional before Alex wakes up. God knew exactly what it would take to get me awake, and He gave me just that: a 50 lb dog jumping on me and licking my face every morning.  I have countless more examples of God's funny way of answering prayers, but just know that He does work in wonderful and beautiful ways, even if we cannot see them right away.

3. Age is just a number.
This one is pretty simple, but still important. When I meet a lot of people, they think I am either much older or much younger than I actually am. Upon first meeting me, many people have asked if I've even graduated high school yet. After talking to me, generally people generally think I am in my 30's and married. I am 23 years old and have already accomplished more than I could have imagined in my life, because I've refused to allow people to hold me back. God has given me many opportunities and given me a life that is beyond that of a 'normal' 23-year-old. The important thing is that age does not matter. Whether 23 or 35, God has called me to this life and given me all of the necessary tools to fulfill His call. 

4. Asking for money is humbling in a way that cannot be easily matched.
Fortunately, my family has been blessed in many ways and has been able to provide for me. All of the extra things, I have been able to pay for. I've worked since I was 15 years old and had numerous part-time jobs. I know what it is like to provide for myself and to work for my living. Completely switching this self-sufficient lifestyle was hard and humbling. God calls for a community to serve, not just one person. He has called me to serve with my actions while others are called to serve through finances and prayer. Asking for financial partners is not easy, but it is what He has asked me to do. 

5. I frequently ask myself if I am doing 'enough.' 
Although I wake up at 5:15 and am generally going until about 9:00, I still find myself questioning if I am doing enough. What if people don't think I am doing enough? What if I take this day off and someone sees and thinks I should be doing more? What if.. What if... The problem with most of the questions I ask myself is that they generally involve other people. God has called me to this life and to this form of ministry. I am not doing too little, because I am doing exactly what He wants. Doing more things would be pretending that His call is not enough and would require me to give less to what I am already doing, putting less weight in His call for me. I have to remind myself not to take on more than I can handle or more than I've been called to do.

6. Dangerous is a relative word.
I've witnessed numerous machete fights, seen a gun pulled on someone, known people who have recently been murdered, and continuously have to look out for my safety. On the flip side, I read about race riots, mass murders, and unprovoked violence almost everyday that has taken place somewhere else in the world, many times in the United States. This country is dangerous, but not any more dangerous than the US. I had simply become comfortable with the dangers of the US and had to also become accustomed to the dangers of Honduras.

7. Finding time to be spiritually healthy is almost as challenging as finding time to be physically healthy.
This one is pretty self explanatory. I have very little spare time and struggle to keep up with devotionals (as I've already said) and constant prayer. It has been a challenge for me that I know will not get easier. If I had to be diligent in the US to stay connected to the Lord, I have to be five times as diligent here. Luckily, God is a patient God and understands when I fall short of what He really wants, because I almost always do. Staying physically healthy is a whole different battle. I cannot run far for safety reasons, and there aren't gyms quite as easily accessible as in the states. I've just recently discovered a free pool; so we'll see how that goes. 

The list of revelations and discoveries goes on and on, but these are just some I've decided to share.  Hopefully this gives a little more insight to the life that I live here so that others can understand a bit better. All lists aside, I have a pretty great life here and extremely thankful.  

Do nothing through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. -Philippians 2:3